She falls a lot, walks around holding onto walls, couple days ago tumbled down her staircase, she won't listen to reasoning. I'm there everyday to check on her and scared one day I will find her lifeless. She won't except help from anyone. The strange things she does that isn't normal. How do we get her the help she needs?
Your husband has to get her assessed and the POA activated. Next step is to have her bank accounts changed so she no longer has access to them.
Unfortunately she may have created a huge problem if she has indeed given away her money. If she needs a nursing home, she will be private pay. The medicaid 5 year look back will not accept her giving money away without a penalty.
If there is any value in her home, it can be sold to cover care costs for her.
I hope the end result won't be that she comes to live with you! Because then you will become her caregiver. Why do you and not your H go there every day to check on her?
Are you willing for her to come to live with you? If not, plans need to be set into place ASAP so that that does NOT happen.
But she is supposed to be walking with a walker and using oxygen and does neither, She wants DH to install 'hand rails' all around the house and he patently refused, said if she can't walk from the sink to the table, she has no business living alone.
The 'fear' that one day someone is going to find her lifeless or nearly so, having fallen, yet again, is a very real fear. She just got out of rehab for a nasty fall, UTI and pneumonia. Refuses all aid except for what her daughter can provide. DH has POA but won't do anything to move her to safer environs and has frankly given up trying.
We are by no means alone in this dynamic. I imagine there are 100's of thousands of elderly people who are driving their loved ones nuts by being so difficult to work with.