I am a caregiver for my 90 year old mother who has Alzheimer's dementia, and my brother's are pushing me to put them on the power of attorney after it's been put in place since 2018, and I keep telling him that I can't put them on there because she can't sign it, apparently he's been talking to one of her friends and saying that it's just a paper that I can sign to put her on it while my mom's friend is like 20 years younger than her and her friends younger than her and he goes well she said it's just a piece of paper that you signed that you can just say putting one of us on into a bunch of people and everybody says that they should be somebody else should be on it besides me oh this has been put in place like I said but since 2018 due to another family member taking advantage of my mom and everything was fine until my mom started to come into this settlement cuz she got taken advantage of in a facility where she almost got killed so now they're pushing to want to make decisions about her money and they need to be put on the part of attorney and it's just I don't know what to tell him I'm like I don't know how to tell them that I can't sign a paper putting them on it without people saying that she is not able to and I can't do it again my mom's friend is 20 years younger than her and they probably signed it saying that she could be on it but my mom and I can't change it and I talk to my niece who's now peeing and has taken care of elderly people return care place like my mom wasn't he knows all about this and she goes because your mom is in our state than she was when she signed the power of attorney she goes grandma can't sign it because she doesn't know what she signing and she doesn't I mean she's getting to the point where she's bad she gets out her she starts cussing and so therefore I know she doesn't know what she's going to be signing so I'm just trying to get some advice on how to handle the situation.
Does you Mother wish to have a different PoA? Are you wanting to resign from this responsibility? Are your brothers hinting thay maybe you are not doing a good job as her PoA? In the end, it is really your Mother's decision to make, even if it is a bad decision.
If you take your Mom to a certified elder law attorney, this lawyer will interview her privately to determine if she has the cognitive capacity to change her PoA.
Your brothers are suggesting to download PoA template to avoid going to an attorney BUT it still has to be signed in front of a notary and witnessed by 2 non-family members.
If Moms ALZ is advanced, the POA cannot be changed at this point. I think your brothers are up to something. And as said, even if you download a POA, it has to be witnessed and notarized by impartial people that have proof Mom is who she is and are present to see that Mom is of sound mind and not being coerced.
Mom is the only one who can assign xtra people and she is no longer competent to make any contracts with anyone. Again, I think ur brothers think by being POA they can get to Moms money for themselves. That is not how it works. Moms money for Mom, you just oversee it.
I so hope you are keeping records. My Moms bank statement was pretty much my proof. It showed the money coming in and going out. I wrote nothing but checks. If I used my credit card or cash to get Mom something, I kept the receipt and once a month wrote myself a check. Then put the receipts in an envelope with the ck# on the written on the front. This way you have proof for your brothers what you have done.
If they keep it up, stop talking to them altogether. Don't answer their calls and don't allow them in the home.
You do not have to put up with being abused or harassed by anyone.
You are correct that they cannot now be added to a POA due to the fact that a POA can only be given BY YOUR MOM and only when she was competent to do so. That time is passed.
Your brothers, however, can see an elder law attorney and they can ask for guardianship of your Mom if they believe you are unable to act in her best interests. At that time a case may go before the court, and JoAnn is correct in letting you know it is important at that time that you be able to prove you are making the best decisions for your mom, providing her safe care and keeping good records of every penny of her money in and out of accounts.
I hope if I am missing anything on your question you will fill me in. I wish you and your mom the very best.