I am 73 and my husband is 76 and we feel our life Is not our own, we feel our life is ebbing away before we have time for each other. I have a son and daughter who to be honest are not that supportive as they have seen it all their lives the way my Mum has manulipated me and still does. Mum has said no way she will go into a home full time she has gone into respite once but couldn’t wait to get home. I am hoping she will go in again so my husband and I can get away. However I feel so guilty trying to have a life. The arguments between my husband and myself are getting more frequent. I can’t see any end to it my mum is fairly well for her age and very very strong minded. I love her very much my kids can’t understand why I don’t put her in a good care home but I just can’t bring myself to do this. What to do?
So I must ask you, who/what is more important, your husband and marriage, or the unrealistic wishes of your mum? Be careful how you answer that, as if it's your husband and marriage(which that should be your answer)then you know that you must make the necessary changes to prove that. And God forbid you answered that your mum was more important than your husband and marriage, well that's a whole other set of issues and perhaps it's time to talk to a divorce lawyer.
Your mum has lived and enjoyed her life, so why is it that you don't feel that you deserve the same opportunity? Life is short, this I know, and we only get one shot at it, so I hope and pray that you will now do what's best for you, your husband and your marriage. God bless you.
Give it some thought and read up on confrontation counseling, it might help you phrase your thoughts before the actual event.
God bless you and DH, you have done well and will do so now. Otherwise....read sp19690"s comment again. (((((hugs))))))
I hate to say that you should simply move her and not give her any say in the matter, but you & DH are no spirng chickens yourselves and it's not unlikely that mum might outlive one or both of you.
I think everyone who posts on this will agree that mum needs to move out and give you two some time to yourselves. She's being incredibly selfish.
You have written three times saying your mom needs to go into care and you aren’t able to do it.
I believe you. You, personally, are not able to do it. How did YOU do when your mom was on respite?
Did you go on the trip with your son for his 50th BD?
Can your mom afford to hire more help or would she go into care on Medicaid?
If there is more money available for her care why not spend it on more aides where you and DH could work fewer hours on her care? Can you handle more time not being primary? Is it that you can’t say no to her on anything?
How about therapy? You are basically telling us that you are willing to put your families happiness behind your mother’s and it has been life long!
Could you work on that with a therapist?
If you knew you had only 5 years left to finally have the freedom you've been waiting for, while both healthy, would you really want to spend those precious few years living the way you do now?
Maybe it's time to listen to your husband and your children. Maybe it's time to trust their wisdom.