My dad is actually the caregiver for my mom. She’s been suffering from paranoia (a group of people after her, being stolen from, etc) for 10 years and has what we called psychotic episodes. Even back then. We tried and tried but she always refused help. Fast forward to 2019 and we lose my sister to suicide with paranoia symptoms that remind us of mom. 2020 brings her turning on my dad, accusing him of cheating on her. We live out of state and my dad didn’t truly let us know how bad it was. Thankfully his brother was nearby to help with several bad times. We went through APS and he was given guardianship, so she had to go in for evaluation. They say it’s degenerative dementia of Alzheimer’s type. Today she is putting on a scarf though its 90 out. We never talked to a doctor about this diagnosis. What should we expect now? I witnessed her episode last night and wept for what my father endured on his own the last year and a half.
The EC atty can also assist with assessing finances, etc. If they need Medicaid, you will appreciate the help/legal advice. He can keep his own income, the house, a car and half of any assets. Sometimes the community spouse is allowed to keep more of the assets and/or the patient's income, if cutting it all off would leave him short-funded.
Meanwhile, check the various places nearby. There may be a residency requirement for Medicaid as well. If they've lived there a few years, they should be okay, so long as you ensure the facility accepts Medicaid and that she qualifies. Moving them back to be near you could delay getting Medicaid. If they can self-pay for a few years, then by all means, discuss moving back with your dad.
Hopefully the medication can keep her mostly stable. If possible, hire some help for her care OR help for dad so he can provide the care while you seek alternate residence for mom. Do try to get advice, both from the social worker and an EC atty. She's beyond having to set up a will, POAs, etc, so it would likely not be too expensive to spend a hour or so with EC atty. Have all questions and relevant information (assets, income, etc) available before the meeting, to get the most out of it. Take notes! Ask LOTS of questions and follow up questions.
My dad is going to get an appt with his EC lawyer to ask about setting up the financial part of putting my mom into care. I had thought about them moving here and then putting my mom here in a place, so thank you for telling me about the delay with that. They have lived in their current state for 7 years now.
If he's not able to care for her or hire help or they move 8n with family then she'll have to go live at a Senior Home which isn't fun.
As for "...a Senior Home which isn't fun.": SAYS WHO?
Even with his brother's help, this will take a huge toll on him. With your mom in a safe place, your dad can visit her as much as he wants. He'll have the option of leaving anytime it feels "sticky" - that's important for his health and wellbeing.
Your mother very likely has a long history of mental illness (like your sister, may she rest in peace), that has gone untreated. She also has a type of degenerative dementia that the doctor's think is Alzheimer's. This will not get better. It will only get worse. Your mom needs to be in a care facility before the "caregiving" kills the caregiver, your father.
People don't realize how much of the time the caregiver dies before the care receiver. My own uncle dead at the age of 61. He was the sole caregiver to my aunt (17 years his senior) who has a history of untreated mental illness and then Alzheimer's. He had a heart attack four years ago. His wife is still in the nursing home her kids put her in when he died.
Your mother needs to be placed in a care facility where she can be taken care of by professional staff in an environment that is equipped and staffed to handle her needs.
Please look into it.
? You state above that you live out of state.
There are two people here in the mix, and your father is no less a consideration than your mother. How can he possibly continue to be her caregiver?
to understand the situation???
your father needs help ASAP or he’ll die before her.
your mother needs placed in memory care and your dad can visit .
get going !!!! Your dad needs you !!!
Do research on the type of dementia she has - each type of dementia has some specifics in how and where in the brain that they hit. But having said this each person affected has their own journey.
My own father suffered from mixed dementia - alzheimer's (AD) and vascular. The vascular was from strokes in the balance center of his brain causing him to constantly fall and the AD - well memory loss. His delusions were generally very mild and focused on having to have money to pay off some fictional debt he had incurred. Though one (I wasn't present for - he was in SN at the time) had to do with a fictional building being on fire with children trapped and wanting to get into the building to rescue the children. The staff had to hold onto him so he wouldn't fall or otherwise hurt himself.
Also make plans for the future - I'm sure you know that she will not get better but continue to devolve and the time may come where caring for her at home may be just too much. It isn't unusual for a caregiver to die before their charge/LO. So lay the ground work for these plans so there will be no scrambling at the last minute.
Best wishes to you all.
They are listed alphabetically.
Those can be short introductions that can get you started.
Teepa Snow on YouTube has helpful videos.
Best wishes to you.
My mom sees her primary tomorrow. But there is a follow up on Wednesday with someone from the facility she had been in.
In the meantime, she needs to see her primary care doc or a neurologist who can prescribe medication to help her with the behavioral issues and paranoia, at least. Nobody should suffer like this, for years and years, without trying some medication to ease the symptoms! She's so young, too, which makes it even harder to witness such a decline.
Go to Alz.org to read up on the stages of AD, what to expect, how to cope, and to find resources and live people to speak to at an 800 phone number. Support is vital for your dad, especially.
Wishing you and your family the best of luck with a difficult situation. God bless you.