My mother has always been fairly dramatic but it has gotten way out of hand. My father was in Pearl Harbor and she told some acquaintances that he shot down a kamikaze plane. That never happened. The next one was that she served in the military. Also never happened; the government paid for her nurse's training during WWII because they need the medical personnel. The war ended when she was half way through her training. She never served at all. I am sometimes at my wits end - when I correct her she gets really upset with me. But I feel I am not doing her a kindness by letting her tell theses whoppers. Should I just let her continue with this without correction or should I correct her. My mom was the type of person who was VERY correct and the worst thing that could happen to her was to be embarrassed. I don't know which would be the best. If she was in her right mind this wouldn't be happening. Her dementia came on fast about a year ago and she is losing ground every day. She'll be 90 on 02/24.
Hoping there is a big turnaround for a better day ahead!
Must be Mum's naptime!
On the subject of humour She doesn't want to move now! Tough she's going. So she now is refusing respite - tough she's going and my daughter is taking her (if you think I am the tough cookie meet daughter she is waaaaaaay tougher than me) SO having lost 2 battles she refused dinner so in pure and utter frustration I refused to make a dessert (although I was tempted to make a trifle!)
I'm dying laughing over here at the "spank me and make me write bad checks" phrase....I think that may be my new favorite line. And if anyone could get me there, it would be Sam Elliot - but you're right - even our favorite actors age, and reach that point where the attractive face and gravelly voice come with a set of circumstances none of us wants to deal with! Mom just loves Tom Selleck - he's the only star I've ever heard her gush over - as in, "He could eat crackers in my bed anytime!" (Oh my gosh, Mom...LOL) I recently showed her a picture of one of her favorite movie stars - Kirk Douglas, who recently turned 99 years old - she was shocked at his appearance and talked about it for days. Thinking maybe I shouldn't have done that.
Just looked up Ray Liotta's new face....bad, bad Botox going on there.....I don't know why these stars feel they have to do that - be smart with the money you earn (millions in most cases), and let your face age naturally. When the movie offers stop coming in, relax and live on your stashed income.
Beauty of confabulation the teller truly believes the story is factual and true
I've seen a caregiver (justifiably) become irate and threaten to quit, which was also effective (caregiver was the most patient person ever, but had finally had it with the lying).
I've seen a caregiver (justifiably) become irate and threaten to quit, which was also effective (caregiver was the most patient person ever, but had finally had it with the lying).{END QUOTE}
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finally had it with the lying
Confabulation is NOT lying.
Confabulation shows increasing cognitive decline.
People say things containing information that is blatantly false, tell of actions that inaccurately describe history, background and present situations.
They are coherent, internally consistent, and appear relatively normal. This despite contradicting evidence.
Confabulation is distinct from lying because there is typically no intent to deceive and the person is unaware that the information is false.
Help the caregiver to recognize the person is not lying.
quote from: Ethelle Lord, DM "I found something worse than receiving a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. It is not getting the workforce trained in time to care for persons living with Alzheimer's whether at home or in a care center." Ethelle Lord is President remembering4you based in Maine
confabulations are a major annoyance when friends, family, and the medical community take everything our loved ones say at face value, no matter how false we know their statements to be alzcompend?p=293
Too bad for us good guys, who have to deal with them.
Maybe if WE get dementia we'll be confused, happy old farts! ;)
As time goes by other things are becoming really difficult. My mother was never a touchy feely sort of person so we never kissed each other goodnight etc not even as a kid but now her dependency personality disorder has kicked in and she wants lots of hugs and cuddles and I can't do that at all. it is absolutely WAAAAAAAAAAY out of my comfort zone and if someone said you have to hug and cuddle Mum I would stop care giving to her in a heart beat. It would make me physically sick - may seem odd to you but it is reality for me.
So when you get to be a confused happy old fart just know now that you will also have some seriously irritating traits in there too! On the plus side you won't ever have to watch a repeat on tv - they will be 'new' every time you watch them
Alzheimer's Dementia Hands-On Care DVD:
"The Art of Caregiving" with Care Expert Teepa Snowgets high reviews
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862 posts, last published on Feb 19, 2016
My mother had a habit with people who would get carried away with their stories. She would just tilt her head and wink at the other person in the room. The wink implied, no harm, no foul but let's not question her. Of course I wouldn't want some of the elders I read about on here to see that wink. There would be heck to pay. I get it that it's a little easier to just wink rather than correct when you aren't worn out with what feels like their shenanigans instead of confragulations.
Only one hr. per week. Your sanity is worth it. "Absorbing the anger" is the very worst you could do to yourself. I'm telling you, you might as well do drugs, smoke cigarettes - it's that toxic to you, physically, mentally, even neurologically. It can compromise your immune system. I had a lifetime of stress until I was diagnosed with MS and shortly thereafter went into longterm counseling. Could never have coped without, didn't even realize all the parts of my life that were affected by my stress.
So, JessieBelle, before I close, yes, I have the same type of mother, and she does not have dementia! And I have learned that for the most part, I cannot change her and therefore, I must "unload" my frustrations onto my therapist, who helps me tremendously and does not judge.
Unlike you, however, I am not my mother's caregiver and will never be. I was living with her and my Dad for 6 years until diagnosed, another year and I moved into independent, HUD subsidized apt. for disabled. But counseling in that early time taught me that I have options, emotional options at very least. Moving out was a huge physical option that benefited all, even though Mom was very much against it at first! She soon felt the comfort of not having to worry about every little thing I was doing. Now, my brother is there so he is going through the same, but you know, we're all on our own paths. We all have options, no matter our circumstance.
Your complaint is not petty or to be minimalized, I definitely can relate. And in fact, it shows a pattern that your mother won't or can't change. I hope you find the courage to seek out help for yourself. Perhaps a caregiver resource center is in your area. Even a caregiver support group. Not just online, in person. The energy is more potent. Blessings to you, I wish you inner freedom and peace.
I do have to say that getting into counseling is not easy. Finding one that is the right one for us can be a challenge. I can remember one good counselor that I had, and she was someone who was teaching relaxation. It can be hard to find a counselor we click with -- or at least it is for me. I do like groups of people if they are functioning well.
Thank you SO much for sharing that your mom was not physically loving to you as a child and how that impacted you. I thought I was the only one with a mother like that. I didn't think any one else felt that way or understood it. With your honesty, you have freed me from feeling guilty for not wanting to be physical with my mom. I also feel disgusted/repulsed when I have to get close to her, and, no, not many folks understand that.
My mom was a cold fish to me all of my childhood. If I mention that fact in a conversation, people really don't believe me. (How could a mother not gobble up hugs and kisses from their child?)
When I was 5, I went running to my mom with open arms. She put her hands up in front of her and said, "No, you'll muss my hair." I was crushed. I learned very young how much I meant to her. I vowed I'd NEVER push my son away if he wanted to hug or touch me and I was very physically loving to him.
I, too, am repulsed by having to be physical or touch my mother. I'm able to show physical affection with many other people (including my dad, when he was alive) but not her. It seems so phony and she doesn't enjoy it either.
She's very mean to me now that she has Alzheimer's and berates me any time she can. I've taken her abuse for months and can't get over it. From now on, I won't be visiting her very often. She verbally attacks me and I leave, feeling mad, hurt and, somehow, like a bad daughter. Neither one of us enjoy the visits, so what's the use. I'm just glad I got to be a better mother to my son than she was to me.
I hope the Good Lord takes me long before I would have symptoms of this awful disease.
I grew up to not be a hugger. My father was mildly autistic, so wasn't a hugger, either. Now I make myself touch other people, because I know that it is something that is missing in myself. My mother is still an island. That is okay with me, because I don't have any need to hug or make over her.
I certainly do envy the people with close families. But we get the family we're born into. It could be worse, I'm sure.