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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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Look to something besides medicine to calm her. Find a good channel on a radio, play her favorite type of music on CDs, or listen to one of the music channels on tv if her tv has them.
Is she mobile enough to get into a car? Take her for a nice ride, in a lovely area with lots of trees, or a park with flowers.
I'm not a proponent of medicine for either anxiety or depression even if scripted for by a doctor as long as there are other options.
I read her profile; it's sad that she has so many medical issues to face at such a young age.
Can she get involved with other people, even during the pandemic? Meeting others, chatting, and interacting is often a good alternative to depression and anxiety.
I'm wondering though what is causing her to be so scared and frightened that she yells for hours? What are her physical symptoms? Hopefully she isn't living alone. At 77, she still could have a lot of good life if you can find some safe alternatives to meds.
For real? This behavior is not something that can be helped by looking at nice flowers. This is like telling a cancer patient to skip chemo and just think good thoughts instead.
This is a flippant and dangerous attitude towards mental illness. And it can cost someone their life.
Depression and anxiety are REAL MEDICAL issues that require treatment. For some, treatment is talking with a therapist only. If that works for someone, great. But for most, it takes medial treatment. And that is perfectly fine!
The mother could have a lot of good life WITH the proper treatment. Meds can save lives. They saved mine.
I once (or twice, to be honest) had to 'tranq' my daughter who was having panic attacks after her 1st baby was born. She was hysterical and couldn't settle down. I called her dr and told him what I knew she had taken and tolerated before--and he gave me the go-ahead to give her a dose. I mashed it up in chocolate pudding. She went to try to lie down--and miracle of miracles! Half an hour later she was calm as can be.
I'd get her meds in her come hook or by crook. Esp the benzos, if she has them. Then work the others in.
I'm assuming a lot--that you are her primary CG--and maybe you're not.
Is she competent to make decisions? Does she live with you? If you flesh out your post with more information, you'll get better answers.
Thank you for the recommendation- I’ve tried smashing meds and mixing in with food and drink- worked for a while Mom was feeling better then caught on - Mom won’t comply with taking medication - have appointment scheduled to speak with Dr. Mom won’t take medicine but the yelling and screaming is unbearable/ I’m sure my neighbors are not happy with all the noise.
Let's be serious, anxiety and depression in an old person, probably with dementia, won't go away without medicines. Withholding the medicines will be a disservice to her and to the people around her.
You say in your profile that mom suffers from Alz/dementia, that she refuses medication and screams for hours that she's scared, has anxiety and depression........then later add "I think I am the problem and need therapy to learn how to properly respond and handle challenging caregiving situations." How can YOU possibly be the problem, given this situation you write about?
Mom needs a geriatric psych evaluation and the proper medication which can be put in applesauce. If you can't manage her dementia at home, which many of us cannot, then you'll need to place her in a Memory Care Assisted Living residence or a Skilled Nursing Facility, depending on her financial picture.
Please do not blame yourself for something that's the fault of her DISEASE and mental illness. I could NEVER care for my mother at home and she lived in AL and then Memory Care AL where got great care and didn't fight with her carers at all. I shudder to think what she would have put ME thru had I been her carer!
You can download a great 33 page booklet called Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent Fuller to gain more insight, if you'd like. Google it.
Perhaps a compounding or specialty pharmacy can mix up the meds into a liquid form. I'm close to Orlando, and there are a few there. Maybe you can find one in a populated area where you live.
My mother is in AL with Alzheimer’s and was experiencing horrible sundowner. And she refuses to take medication unless absolutely required. But we finally got her convinced to take her “ vitamin” at noon and 6pm ( Seriquel) as it would improve her hormone imbalance and help her sleep. She bought it—and takes easily now. My brother or I no longer get 25-30 phone calls per night with her screaming at us! She’s so much calmer and happier too!
You have many good answers here, I just wanted to add that there are liquid medications that can just be dropped into the mouth under the tongue I think, so it’s just a matter of getting close enough and being able to pull that off.
Hi Thumbilina1, my apologies if this has already been suggested or is not possible but when my mother was in the hospital (she had Alzheimer’s to the point of behaviour issues but was in the hospital due to COVID), she refused all food, water and medications saying she was fine and didn’t need them. The hospital was able to get the medications for her behaviour and for her Alzheimer’s on a patch that they would put on her back where she couldn’t reach (and would apply it when they were dressing her or sort of rubbing her back to comfort her so she wouldn’t realize it was there). This gave her the medication for I believe 24hrs then they would reapply.
i also wonder if there is a way for pharmacists to perhaps compound the medication into a cream that you could rub into her skin? It would be a measured dose that is put on your gloved hand (so that you don’t absorb the medication by mistake) and then you rub it somewhere on her body. Wherever the pharmacy or doctor says it should be applied. You would need to be sure she doesn’t take a bath or shower and wash it off for a few hours in order to ensure it gets into the skin. Again I am not sure if the medication she needs is available in either of those forms but if they are it could be worth a try?
i hope you can find something that works.
but telling her the pills are for something not mood related as another poster suggested (like a vitamin) could work really well if she feels that the mood medications are not what she needs or has a negative view of having to take them.
there must be something a doctor or pharmacist can recommend as you are not the only one who has a loved one who needs medication but refuses it.
all the best to you, keep up the amazing work you are doing looking after her so well.
I crush my mother’s pills daily. I put them in cranberry juice. Call the doctor to see if it is okay to crush them up or look on the internet. My mother looks forward to drinking her cranberry juice plus its good for bladder and kidneys too. I use a small glass like for orange juice.
Thumbilina1: Since you state in your profile that your mother suffers from Alzheimer's, perhaps she needs to see her physician or a specialist, e.g. geriatric psychiatrist. Also either her medication can be made in a liquid form or you will have to mix it into easy to eat products like applesauce or pudding.
Take her to the Dr. that prescribed her meds and explain how she's refusing her meds. It may just be as simple as having the doses adjusted. I take these meds too. I can always tell when they need adjusting, because I get depressed and I have bad mood swings. She just may not be able to communicate why she's acting like this. Please don't assume she doesn't want to take her meds, talk to her Dr. it's the best option. If adjustments don't help, perhaps she needs to be on different ones. The systems of the body have a way of telling a person something's not right. I've a feeling that's the case here. Good luck.
Since she appears to bein crisis, please consider taking her to a hospital that has an inpatient psych unit. She needs to take her medications and get stabilized.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Is she mobile enough to get into a car? Take her for a nice ride, in a lovely area with lots of trees, or a park with flowers.
I'm not a proponent of medicine for either anxiety or depression even if scripted for by a doctor as long as there are other options.
I read her profile; it's sad that she has so many medical issues to face at such a young age.
Can she get involved with other people, even during the pandemic? Meeting others, chatting, and interacting is often a good alternative to depression and anxiety.
I'm wondering though what is causing her to be so scared and frightened that she yells for hours? What are her physical symptoms? Hopefully she isn't living alone. At 77, she still could have a lot of good life if you can find some safe alternatives to meds.
This is a flippant and dangerous attitude towards mental illness. And it can cost someone their life.
Depression and anxiety are REAL MEDICAL issues that require treatment. For some, treatment is talking with a therapist only. If that works for someone, great. But for most, it takes medial treatment. And that is perfectly fine!
The mother could have a lot of good life WITH the proper treatment. Meds can save lives. They saved mine.
I once (or twice, to be honest) had to 'tranq' my daughter who was having panic attacks after her 1st baby was born. She was hysterical and couldn't settle down. I called her dr and told him what I knew she had taken and tolerated before--and he gave me the go-ahead to give her a dose. I mashed it up in chocolate pudding. She went to try to lie down--and miracle of miracles! Half an hour later she was calm as can be.
I'd get her meds in her come hook or by crook. Esp the benzos, if she has them. Then work the others in.
I'm assuming a lot--that you are her primary CG--and maybe you're not.
Is she competent to make decisions? Does she live with you? If you flesh out your post with more information, you'll get better answers.
Or is typical but getting worse? Or Sundowner's Syndrome situation that happens frequently? (Late in the day etc).
May need to speak to her Doctor about possibility of change of meds, longer acting meds, or if timing of the meds can help.
Mom needs a geriatric psych evaluation and the proper medication which can be put in applesauce. If you can't manage her dementia at home, which many of us cannot, then you'll need to place her in a Memory Care Assisted Living residence or a Skilled Nursing Facility, depending on her financial picture.
Please do not blame yourself for something that's the fault of her DISEASE and mental illness. I could NEVER care for my mother at home and she lived in AL and then Memory Care AL where got great care and didn't fight with her carers at all. I shudder to think what she would have put ME thru had I been her carer!
You can download a great 33 page booklet called Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent Fuller to gain more insight, if you'd like. Google it.
Best of luck.
Sorry you’re in this position. It is so frustrating! She is suffering and needs medical help. Has she given any reason why she won’t take them?
A liquid might be hidden a bit easier.
When all else fails try applesauce, works everytime!
my apologies if this has already been suggested or is not possible but when my mother was in the hospital (she had Alzheimer’s to the point of behaviour issues but was in the hospital due to COVID), she refused all food, water and medications saying she was fine and didn’t need them. The hospital was able to get the medications for her behaviour and for her Alzheimer’s on a patch that they would put on her back where she couldn’t reach (and would apply it when they were dressing her or sort of rubbing her back to comfort her so she wouldn’t realize it was there). This gave her the medication for I believe 24hrs then they would reapply.
i also wonder if there is a way for pharmacists to perhaps compound the medication into a cream that you could rub into her skin? It would be a measured dose that is put on your gloved hand (so that you don’t absorb the medication by mistake) and then you rub it somewhere on her body. Wherever the pharmacy or doctor says it should be applied. You would need to be sure she doesn’t take a bath or shower and wash it off for a few hours in order to ensure it gets into the skin. Again I am not sure if the medication she needs is available in either of those forms but if they are it could be worth a try?
i hope you can find something that works.
but telling her the pills are for something not mood related as another poster suggested (like a vitamin) could work really well if she feels that the mood medications are not what she needs or has a negative view of having to take them.
there must be something a doctor or pharmacist can recommend as you are not the only one who has a loved one who needs medication but refuses it.
all the best to you, keep up the amazing work you are doing looking after her so well.
She just may not be able to communicate why she's acting like this. Please don't assume she doesn't want to take her meds, talk to her Dr. it's the best option. If adjustments don't help, perhaps she needs to be on different ones. The systems of the body have a way of telling a person something's not right. I've a feeling that's the case here.
Good luck.