It looks like a bomb has went off. Years worth of mail just scattered all over the floors. I mean every room. Tools, books, the whole house is a mess. He gets angry and will not let anyone help or clean up things believe me we have tried for years. I have considered calling adult protective services just to come look at the home and help move him out of there. He could well afford to go to a nice assisted care facility, did I mention he has a person come in 5 hours a day but will not let her do anything either except run him to stores to buy more things he does not need, I am at wits end as to what to do. Help need suggestions or an agency I can call for help.
Some people are comfortable with a lot of mess and stuff, they quite frankly have better things to do. I used to be OCD about keeping my house spotlessly clean, I was actually a prisoner to the whole neat freak situation. What I realized was that my house owned me and I was sacrificing my wellbeing trying to accomplish perfection. No such thing. When I stopped spending every second worrying about stuff, I actually felt better. I still hate clutter and a mess. But I don't have to oil the baseboards to feel like I vacuumed the house.
My mom is a hoarder, like the kind you see on TV and I was scared that I would be like her, still gives me the shudders.
I actually contacted the authorities about this and I was told that they can live anyway they want, as long as they are not in any danger, hypothetical candles don't even get considered. It must be a real threat, like no outside access, newspapers stored in the oven that is used kind of actual dangers.
So, I have to pick my battles. I don't visit at their house because I am not willing to subject myself to what they are all good with.
Oh, I spent 6 weeks trying to clean their roughly 1000 square foot house. I would sort it out, bag it up and set it out for delivery, she would bring it back in, go through it again and keep 90% of what she said earlier could go. I am talking about worn out cloths, empty jars, ruined or broken items, we never did get through the entire house, we did her bedroom, bathroom and kitchen, yeah, 6 weeks to get to the bottom to be able to clean and the authorities said "Her choice." So, her choice, I have mine.
Best of luck just letting this one go.
APS will just be the start. If the house is condemnable, it could be condemned and that will leave him homeless--but maybe it would be a little blessing. He will need a lot of help--you may or may not want to be involved.
Moving mother and dad out of their "big house" into the MUCH smaller apartment took us 3 years. Mom cried for 3 solid years, I swear. Losing your possessions against your will is very unhappy for everyone.
Start will APS and maybe have a cog eval done, altho I bet your dad is someone who wouldn't put up with that.
You'll have to get the city involved, you saying "dad, your place is a wreck" is not going to cut it.
That said, I don't have dirty clothes and/or dishes all over the house and I do my laundry, wash the dishes, put out my trash, etc. I'm 67 and have noticed that a lot of people in my generation are just not "neat-freaks" like other generations.
A dirty house will not take away a single day of my life and a clean house will not grant me an extra day of living. I'm not looking to share my space with anyone now that my DH is gone - and if he could make it to almost 97 in my cluttered home, then no one else has the right to tell me how to live.
P.S. You don't say how old your father is.
Absence of clutter is not being a neat freak. It’s respect for yourself and your home. Clutter and dirt just says “I don’t care!”. I love and respect my home, husband, pets and myself too much to let us all live in chaotic surroundings.
My house isn’t sterile... sometimes there’s pet hair on the floor, dust on a shelf, sometimes laundry piles up. Even so, if I had unexpected company coming, it would take at most 30 minutes to get the house fresh and nice.
No point in keeping what I don’t need or use or love (sentimental value items). I do not keep old papers or bills, old medicine bottles, old magazines. It’s not hard to do if little steps are done every day.
But there may be a difference between eyesore and danger. If it's "only" an eyesore, there may be nothing you can do about it (unless the mess is spilling out to the yard and it violates a local code).
Different states and municipalities have different rules or ways of determining if a housing situation is dangerous enough for intervention (e.g. declaring a dwelling condemned, or forcibly moving a person out). Maybe a first step is to look into your area's definitions of uninhabitability. If dad's house doesn't fit the definition, then as offensive as you might find it, there may be no way to enforce a change.
It sounds like this has become an entrenched battle of wills over a long period of time. What would happen if you stopped fighting him about it and let him live in his mess? (Just a hypothetical to consider.)
Sometimes letting go of a battle like this is wonderfully liberating for both parties.
Just a thought.
(Obviously, it would also be worth attempting to get a neuro and/or mental evaluation, but that could be a fight in and of itself.)
What is this person doing besides getting paid?
Now she has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and is living with my husband and me. Over the last 1 year, 8 months, I have slowly emptied her house. She doesn't know that her precious "stuff" is gone. Oddly enough she has never once asked to go back to her house to "get something". She has not been inside her house since Jan 2017.
I do not allow her to hoard here. She's tricky. I found I have to take the trash and recycling outside or she will rummage through it.
I also tried housekeepers, etc but she would not allow them in.