My grandma Mary has Alzheimer’s and it seems like it gets worse with each passing week. Mary cries almost everyday and wishes she was “at home” even though she IS at home. She has been living in the same house since 1963! I sometimes try showing her photos to remind her that she has been living here a long time and she feels better. Other times, she is too upset to look at photos. She also occasionally says, “I’m so confused... can you straighten me out. I don’t know why I’m here”
I am looking for any and all advice on what to say or do.
Thank you so much !
Tonight my mother was agitated and said the caregiver was making them go across the street to a different hotel. I asked her if she was in her room? She said yes. I suggested she stay put there for the night bc it was raining and chilly outside. She thought that was a good idea. If I was being honest, I'd still be on the phone with her discussing the fact she lives in Memory Care not a hotel, nobody was making her go anywhere, and yada yada. Keep things as short and sweet as possible with your grandma. See if she needs a sweater, a warm drink, if she'd like a hug or to talk about a Memory you two shared from your childhood. Change the subject, in other words. Offer comfort instead of explanations that she'll argue with ANYWAY. She's upset, your job is to soothe.
My last suggestion is to get her a baby doll. Many many Alzheimer's patients love to care for babies of their own again and draw great comfort and a sense of purpose from doing so. They're confused and lost when they want to go home. The doll renews their sense of purpose again....being a mother. Make sure you get a blanket and bottle for the baby, too. EBay has some inexpensive and realistic looking baby dolls to choose from. It's worth a try.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation
Telling her that she is right where she is supposed to be and that you are there to help her and love her can be helpful.
Also, try to redirect her to something that she still enjoys. This can change daily, so don't be discouraged. It's like dealing with a short attention span youngster, you mix it up and keep the best things. My grannie could be distracted with a cup of coca-cola. The bubbles tickled her and she would be totally happy and redirected from whatever she had been worried about.
They know that something is wrong, but, they no longer have the words to express that feeling.
They know the word “home”, so that is what they ask for.
My mother asks to come live with me. ‘Cept, she HATED living here. She doesn’t enjoy my company. Also, she won’t even leave the building she is in, to go down the hall to the next building for some entertainment or an activity that’s happening over there. So, how, on earth, would she think that she wants to leave, and go “live” with me?
For my mother, photos wouldn’t help. They would make her angry. “Home” is not what she wants. What she wants, is to feel BETTER.
Help your grandmother make an album. Not a lot of pictures.Just a few, and the year they were taken on one page, and the same a decade later on the next page. Often pictures and music work where other things do not.
When she says that she is so confused tell her that we all feel that way sometimes. But that she should come to you and you will answer her questions.
I am so sorry, but this DOES come to most of us if we live long enough. It is frightening and for most of us the loss of control of our own minds is terrifying. How wonderful she has your loving and caring heart.