My mom is her mid-90's and reasonably independent. She has trouble seeing, hearing and has mobility issues. She is an avid reader. I call every day and usually visit twice/week. I help with ordering her food. We usually get along very well. However, she will sometimes bring up times in the past where I unintentionally hurt her feelings and she keeps thinking she did something horrible to me (which she didn't). I try to assure her that I was just a normal kid growing up in the 1960's; whereas, my older sister was rather atypical. We are all very close and I get along great with my sister. It gets me very upset when she brings up these issues and feel like there is no way out of the conversations. When it happened yesterday, after awhile, I just cut it off, told her I did not want to revisit that issue, told her I was just a dumb high school kid and didn't understand what she was going through at the time. I don't want to be rude. I would really appreciate any suggestions!
Mom is in her mid 90s, tell her what she is talking about was 80 years ago when u were young and stupid. Had nothing to do with her parenting. It had to do with the personality of the child. I have a younger daughter would not even think about doing half of what her big sister did. Raised by the same parents. Given the same opportunities look at their lives when living home completely different. The past is suppose to be left in the past.
If that doesn't work, THEN tell her you've tried your best to explain your side of the story in all this, and that you're now DONE. You'll have to leave her presence if she won't let go of the matter b/c it's beating a dead horse and too unpleasant to keep doing so. Why ruin a nice time between you like this, mother?
Sometimes when dementia sets in, an elder gets to ruminating about certain times in their life and they get stuck in a loop. It can be very difficult to get them out of that loop, but using distraction techniques seems to work best. Offer her a snack, look a photos, turn on a movie, etc.
Best of luck!
Hindsight is 20/20 and I now see that was a red flag. Then came the self-isolation, then the paranoia and suspicions. Be vigilant. Consider keeping a behaviour diary.