I recently posted a question concerning my sisters and their grudges. I admit I did not take the advice given by most of you. My sister was using and abusing my mom's debit card (taking cash and paying her own bills). She took my moms car keys, truck keys, safe key, debit card, checks and other items and would not return them. My brother in law tried to fight me and threatened to kill my husband and I (all over a pair of gloves). My mom asked me to help her. We canceled debit card. Opened a new checking account. Paid the bills that were all past due, paid the property taxes that were delinquent and about to have a law suit filed against my mom, cleaned up the house inside and out, cooked for her, etc etc. I spent my own money on groceries, prescriptions and incidentals because my sister would not return mom's bank card. Mom asked me to be the one to take care of her and I agreed and I promised to never put her in a nursing home. My sister from Florida (which is over 500 miles from Texas where my mom, my other sister and I live) came in and made accusations on every level. Accused me of stealing my moms bank accounts with all her money. She said I was coming in and taking over and my mother said she never asked me to do that. (Which is a lie.) My sister called Adult Protective Services and accused my husband of verbally and emotionally abusing my mother. (Another lie.) She carried my mom to the lawyer and changed everything on the will. Took her to the bank and changed everything on all the accounts. No one will let me know how it was changed or what is going on. I do not take kindly to "Family" reporting you to authorities on ficticious accusations. My mom is backing her all the way with all of these false accusations. My mom knew exactly what was going on with everything I was doing. THis is exactly what happened two years ago after my dad died. My name had been on everything and my sisters took mom down and had everything changed without my knowledge. Then the accusations came. I told my mother this time that if I was going to take care of her that there would be no game playing. That if she accused me of stealing or lying I could no longer have anything to do with her. She promised she would never do that to me again. I have gone through many months of therapy over the last incident and now here it is again. It is hard to walk away from my mother even after all the deceit and devious deeds and accusations. I don't want to spend any more time on therapists. I am just crushed and have no where to turn. How could I have been so blind? The APS checked us out and cleared us but it is just the fact that the report was made and I had to be checked out that is unforgivable. I know my sisters will never care for her as well as she needs to be cared for. Her living conditions drastically declined these last two years they had control. I feel like my heart has been ripped out again.
Take care of yourself - you've done all you can for your mom.
Carol
Yes, it's tough love but it's also part of sticking up for YOURSELF - give yourself permission to protect yourself as well. You can still love your mom and support her emotionally without getting sucked into the drama and abuse. Hang in there!
Regardless, you need to back out now. It does not mean that you do not love her or care about her well-being. Your hands are tied and this scenario will just keep playing out until there is nothing left of you.
Please re-read the advice that was given to you last time. Continue with therapy, if it helps you. Do not try to unravel this mess or even figure out why it is happening....wasted energy.
good luck...let us know what happens