Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I have a physically disabled 31 yr old nephew. He, for now, is able ypto be on his own. He has given me immediate POA in financials and Springing in his Medical. He has a neurological disorder that will cause Dementia maybe sooner than later. I am 71. I will not be able to care for him when this happens. His Mom has died and he has no siblings. I do not expect my daughters, 5 and 13 yrs his seniors, to care for him. So for now I have made him as independent as possible. Hopefully, I have set up an agency that will help him when needed a SW here in town who knows him well.
If you haven't looked into them, there are resources out there for people with challeges. What happens to brother if something happens to you.
If verbal abuse is present stop all interactions with him as soon as it starts. Stand up, and walk away, or hang up the phone.
No form of abuse is acceptable, regardless of whether the person is elderly or not. You're not in the world for his entertainment, and if he can't entertain himself, too bad
It’s sad that he’s lonely. I am so sorry that he isn’t pleasant to be around. Have any senior centers opened up in your area? I don’t know what the COVID situation is in your area. Some may still be closed. Senior centers have lunch and he could meet others.
I think you just answered your own question, when you gave us more details below. Your dad is just lonely, and the fact that he looks to you for everything, explains a lot. You cannot be your dads everything, nor should you want to be. Since he is in good financial standing, and good health, why doesn't he move into an independent living facility, or assisted living facility?(which ever would apply) That way he would be around people his own age, and would be able to socialize to his hearts content, if and when he wanted to. And if he's not open to that, then you're just going to have to set some boundaries with him, as your brother takes up a lot of your time, and you must also make time for yourself. You do not owe your dad anything. Remember that. He's just needing to be around more people, and a facility sounds like the perfect answer. Good luck.
Maybe a few details about the brother you are caring for. Is he able to live in a Group Home? Is the care you give him 24/7/365? At this point for your dad can you get him involved in a Senior Center? It sounds like at this point he does not need 24/7 care. BUT.. The time will come soon that he may not be able to be left alone. You are going to have to make a decision to keep him in his home with caregivers or place him in Memory Care if he needs that. Would it be possible to get him interested in Independent Living or Assisted Living at this time? He would be more involved and as he needs more help it will be there for him. If he resists this you have to make a decision as to how much you can continue to do for both. Boundaries, important word to know as a caregiver.
More details. He is 80 and in good health, starting to struggle with memory. Very few meds, HTN, High Cholesterol, etc. He lives alone. I think is biggest problem is loneliness. Example, He wants to go to lunch, I am fine with this, but his lunches take 3 hours... But, he can be unkind, verbal abuse; very hard to be around. This is not new behavior! I am one of 4 daughters, the youngest. But he looks to me for EVERYTHING! I am his POA, he is in good financial standing. My brother's care is state paid. His care consumes me. My dad is jealous of the time I spend with him. TRUST me, not how I enjoy spending my time.
Without some details it is difficult for US to tell, as well. Only you know your father's medical condition. I will also say that it doesn't really matter WHAT his needs are, it only matters if you are able to be the answer to his needs, and it does sound as though you have just run smack into your own limitations. Let your Dad know that you can't do it, but that you are willing to help him decide what options he has moving forward for himself. And keep in mind what Beatty says: "There will be no solutions as long as YOU are all of the solutions".
For best suggestions please provide more details: - how old is your dad - do you live together (if so, are you in his house or he in yours?) Or, does he live in a house by himself? Is he local to you? - are you his PoA? Is anyone? - has he ever been diagnosed with cognitive impairment or memory issues? - does he have any other health issues? Is he on meds for any of them? - what kind of help is he asking for or seeming to need help with? - do you have any sense of his financial resources (to pay for increased care since you are already caring for your brother)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you haven't looked into them, there are resources out there for people with challeges. What happens to brother if something happens to you.
No form of abuse is acceptable, regardless of whether the person is elderly or not. You're not in the world for his entertainment, and if he can't entertain himself, too bad
Take care.
You cannot be your dads everything, nor should you want to be. Since he is in good financial standing, and good health, why doesn't he move into an independent living facility, or assisted living facility?(which ever would apply) That way he would be around people his own age, and would be able to socialize to his hearts content, if and when he wanted to.
And if he's not open to that, then you're just going to have to set some boundaries with him, as your brother takes up a lot of your time, and you must also make time for yourself. You do not owe your dad anything. Remember that.
He's just needing to be around more people, and a facility sounds like the perfect answer. Good luck.
Is he able to live in a Group Home?
Is the care you give him 24/7/365?
At this point for your dad can you get him involved in a Senior Center?
It sounds like at this point he does not need 24/7 care.
BUT..
The time will come soon that he may not be able to be left alone. You are going to have to make a decision to keep him in his home with caregivers or place him in Memory Care if he needs that.
Would it be possible to get him interested in Independent Living or Assisted Living at this time? He would be more involved and as he needs more help it will be there for him.
If he resists this you have to make a decision as to how much you can continue to do for both.
Boundaries, important word to know as a caregiver.
He lives alone.
I think is biggest problem is loneliness. Example, He wants to go to lunch, I am fine with this, but his lunches take 3 hours... But, he can be unkind, verbal abuse; very hard to be around. This is not new behavior!
I am one of 4 daughters, the youngest. But he looks to me for EVERYTHING!
I am his POA, he is in good financial standing.
My brother's care is state paid. His care consumes me. My dad is jealous of the time I spend with him. TRUST me, not how I enjoy spending my time.
I will also say that it doesn't really matter WHAT his needs are, it only matters if you are able to be the answer to his needs, and it does sound as though you have just run smack into your own limitations. Let your Dad know that you can't do it, but that you are willing to help him decide what options he has moving forward for himself. And keep in mind what Beatty says: "There will be no solutions as long as YOU are all of the solutions".
- how old is your dad
- do you live together (if so, are you in his house or he in yours?) Or, does he live in a house by himself? Is he local to you?
- are you his PoA? Is anyone?
- has he ever been diagnosed with cognitive impairment or memory issues?
- does he have any other health issues? Is he on meds for any of them?
- what kind of help is he asking for or seeming to need help with?
- do you have any sense of his financial resources (to pay for increased care since you are already caring for your brother)
Thanks