And when should she stop driving? My MIL has dementia and can no longer: manage her own medicine; remember appointments; remember that she has groceries in the house. She uses the newspaper to find out the day of the week. She lives alone with her dog. My SIL lives in California and we live about 20 minutes from my MIL. My FIL is in a nursing home.
She forgets to let the dog in on cold nights. She denies that she's sick when she's very ill. I've taken her to doctor appointments and she doesn't know why she's there.
Her cooking is reduced to frozen dinners, although she continually thinks she doesn't have food in the house. Her pantry is overflowing with the same things over and over: oatmeal, crackers, coffee....She doesn't seem to see it.
I'm concerned about her driving. I'm concerned that she's given up all her activities and sits in front of the TV all day. And I'm concerned that she doesn't really take her medicine every day.
Last week she went out, got a flat tire, and walked with the dog in the rain to a gas station. She has AAA and a cell phone but forgot about both of those. We were home and could have helped; no call. Thankfully the gas station manager helped her with a ride home.
We've installed security cameras to make sure she's safe. But it's as if every time we put a good system in place it falls short.
When do we seek help through in home care? When do we keep her from driving?
I work full time and so does my husband. He also travels 3 weeks per month. My SIL comes 4 times/year for 2-3 weeks. But it seems like we are on a slippery slope.
I would get the car from her. It's not just the risk of getting lost, but she may confuse the gas and brake pedal and have an accident.
Ref. her medication. I would be very concerned, because they may forget they took the meds and then continue to take them throughout the day.
Also, be careful about her dog. With dementia they may love the animal, but not realize that the dog can't eat 10 cans of food per day or that the dog isn't happy in the same room all day. Their bizarre behavior can also stress out a pet. I wish you the best. There is a lot of good information on this site as you start your journey to help. Lastly, I would say that you can't debate or convince someone with dementia of their condition and need for intervention, most of the time. Even if you do, they will likely forget it in an hour.
In-home care starting as soon as you can possibly arrange it.
In-home care may be sufficient for a considerable time, especially if she can afford to keep increasing it. Or the dementia may progress rapidly and in-home solutions not be adequate for long.
Start considering now how you will deal with the situation when in-home help is not enough. Explore all the options. Explore financial options for paying for it. Be prepared.
But, no more driving starting immediately!