The visiting nurse called me to set up her first visit with stepmom today since her back surgery ~10 days ago. I said stepmom is in a lot of pain, and that she is often confused about taking her meds (4x/day, 24 hours a day). I said my father is also confused, despite the schedules, reminders, explanations, etc. that I've tried to instill in their minds and house.
She said, "Then you have to go do it yourself." I instinctively said, "No!" Oops. Then I explained that the round trip costs me more than 30 minutes, and always expands to other things they need, which turns into hours. But she was condescending, suspicious and mildly insulting to me for the rest of the call.
I feel angry, hurt, annoyed, misunderstood, guilty, overwhelmed, frustrated, sad, exhausted, tearful, rageful and wiped out simultaneously. This is too much for any of us to do!
You really need to watch how you talk to these people. They think that children should do the care no matter what their life is like or the pressure they are under. Sometimes better to just listen to what they say and take out if it what you want/need.
I agree that its time to place your parents.
And how to get her onto rehab, pronto
"Bouncing back" at 81 will take months, and frankly, she'll never bounce back to where she was.
I agree that a higher level of care and probably a rehab place is the best bet this soon after surgery, especially if she's in a lot of pain. You can't control that, and your folks are just plain scared.
I totally support Barb's suggestion. I can't imagine anyone having surgery, especially for a back, and not spending the allowed Medicare time in rehab; it's a major step forward to returning home.
Was this a small hospital in a rural area?
As to your question to Maple on determining which agency sent this individual, she should have left either a card, or a small packet of information on the plan, including a signature sheet agreeing to her treating your mother. I've never yet worked with any agency that didn't provide the relevant documentation to get started, authorize treatment, include a calendar and other basic information.
I always made sure to be with my father on the first day of home care, and make sure we got all that relevant information. The visiting nurse was amiss in her duties if she didn't provide this data.
Call back and ask how to make that happen.
Is your SM on hospice? My mom’s palliative care nurse handles that stuff for me now.
Oddly, she keeps bemoaning the fact she has to "go through six more years of this!" Her mom lived until 87, and she's convinced she has to live precisely that long too.
Explain that the two of you just don't click, and you would like to have someone a bit more supportive.