I feel guilty but really need this time - it's only once/wk. I've tried to explain to her that I need a day off, since I work full-time. I usually spend Saturday's shopping with her and doing whatever else needs doing. We sometimes play a card or Scrabble game together. I wish I could provide more social life for her, but at 97, it's limited. I really need my Sundays off, and hate feeling guilty about it.
You cannot keep giving of yourself, if you do not put into your OWN bank. You can try of course, but at some point you will come up dry. Trust me, you don't want to go there. It's a sad and scary place, and there is no one there to take care of you.
If you begin to hear those little voices in your head telling you that you are being selfish or mean, tell them to STFU! If there are any people in your life telling you that you are mean and selfish, tell them "I" said to STFU!
Even the very nicest and sweetest and kindest patient in the world can suck the life out of you. TAKE A DAY OFF. TAKE 2 or more if you can. If you have a crabby nasty patient, TAKE 3 or more, or just haul them out to the trash on Monday. ROFLMFAO!!!
KariSue, you are giving your husband an awful lot of your time. I suspect you are the one paying for his being in the hospital by working fulltime. Give yourself a break honey!!! I know you love him, but Please for the sake of your physical and emotional health take either Saturday or Sunday ENTIRELY for yourself! Maybe consider only 1 phone call a day as well? I think if you continue on like this you may break down. Then who would care for your husband? For certain there would be no one to take care of you.
Try this - Commiserate with your mother that she has to suffer from such a useless child. Tell her that if she had been a better mother you would have turned out perfect, like she is. Then duck.
I loved my dad, I miss him. For 3 years I visited him almost every day, I made him my main priority, took him to shows, restaurants and casinos. Ran errands with him, made sure he had everything he needed medically and emotionally. He was 93 yo Amputee due to a clog resulting in gangrene, no dementia.
I did not live with him, my mother did, but I helped her through it.
From the beginning I kept my Saturday nights reserved for my boyfriend. My dad supported me, if I was generous and loving to him, it is largely due to the fact this is what he taught me. My dad taught me unconditional love his entire life through example. My boyfriend put up with my sadness and lack of attention for 3 years. Sometimes I think God brought this man into my life 1year before my dad got sick to lessen the blow.
Through his last day dad remained extremely supportive of my career, my relationships and my life and general well being. I share my personal details so you can see my opinion comes from a position of love, not bitterness.
Please enjoy your Sundays, nurture your relationships, your interests. Care for and about your mother, but do not accept the guilt for holding on to a piece of yourself.
I know My dad would approve.
Take care
L
We may know what we need to do, but it doesn't mean it's something we are ready to do yet, or are even capable of. Some of us are capable of the separation, or the taking of a break, but not all can live without the guilt. So be nice. Encouragement works better.
I don't stand for it and she doesn't do it so much to me, but she knows who she can control.
I am a very nice person. I was trying to reach out to the poster. Daughter alone did not seem abused from her own description. She is tired and overwhelmed. In reaching out to her I got cathartic. I was trying to support her need for guilt free personal time.
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I would not provide advise for abuse victims. It is not neither my experience nor my profession. All I can do is wish these folks well. I know it is complex.
If you took offense to the word miserable, for whatever reason there are some very sad people on this site..burnout,bad day, bad relationships, etc.. I personally wish them well but would not take advise from someone who is in a low point of their life.
People in this position need a place to vent, but venting and advice are very different.
I wish you well. I need to point out that it is not very nice to label me unkind for expressing my opinion in respectful manner. The words miserable and bitter were used to describe common points of view that are expressed throughout.
I do sincerely wish you well and hope you have a better resource than this blog to deal with the abuse issues you described.
Peace out