How do you know when it's time for a nursing home?

Kona, please. I had to literally BEG the damn doc at the nursing home that my mom is at to put her on some kind of chill pill. The NH my mom is in certainly isn't full of 'drug pushers'. And frankly, better my mom keel over at age almost 89 from a side effect of a drug, than ME keel over from cardiac arrest at age 48 from dealing with her 24/7 for years on end pretty much by myself. She's had her life. I'd like mine now, thanks.

When you get up in the morning feeling nothing but a sense of dread and gloom, it's time for a NH!

When your mom messes and pees on the floor more than the dog, it's time for a NH!

When strangling your parent suddenly seems like a good thing, it's time for a NH!

When you clean the kitchen, look back a few minutes later, do a double take and can't remember doing it because you're so exhausted from care giving, it's time for a NH!

When you're jekyll one minute and hyde the next, it's time for a NH!

If you start going outside and cussing like a sailor to relieve stress, praying the neighbors won't think you're nuts, it's time for a NH!

When YOU start to wonder if you're nuts, it's time for a NH!

When the doc says your blood pressure is through the roof and you're on your way to a stroke, it's time for a NH!

When AC is the only socializing you've done in years, it's time for a NH!

When you're wiping your elderly parents butt more than your own, it's time for a NH!

Yup.

Konacaregiver - I'm sure all of us struggle to some degree with putting our loved ones in a nursing home - it's an incredibly difficult decision and not one that any of us make lightly. If we did, we wouldn't be on this website. Please don't imply that if choose a nursing facility, we just don't care enough to manage the situation at home. For many people, a nursing home is the only real option. Maybe not for you, but for many of us it's the best we can do for someone we love.

When you're scared to death that your 90-something year old parent is going to outlive you...it's time for a NH!

When the doc says your 90-something year old parent is healthier than YOU are, it's time for a NH!

When the doc says that YOU'RE at more risk of a stroke than your elderly parent...it's time for a NH!

When you hear your parent yelling for you and you run to help them with your heart pounding, thinking they fell, only to realize that they didn't call you this time and that you're hallucinating....it's time for a NH!

When you go into your elderly parents bedroom to get them up in the morning, and they took their depends off and used the bed as the toilet AGAIN...it's time for a NH!

When your elderly parent is zipping around like the Energizer Bunny and you feel like taking a shower is the equivelent of climbing Everest...it's time for a NH!

When your elderly parent sleeps like a baby, but you're up twitching from stress and sleep seems like a thing of the past....it's time for a NH!

When your elderly parent can never be pleased or satisfied and is hyper critical...it's time for a NH!

When you catch yourself daydreaming of homicide with an evil grin on your face...it's time for a NH!

When the furthest you've been away from the house is the bank or grocery store for years...it's time for a NH!

When you find yourself waking up at 2-3 a.m even though you're exhausted, just to get some peace and quiet...it's time for a NH!

When it's been so long since you've had sex because of caring for your elderly parent that you've forgotten what a man/woman looks like below the waist...it's time for a NH!

When you realize one day that you haven't had a good laugh in years because you're so miserable care giving...it's time for a NH!

When your personality does a 360 and you don't recognize yourself anymore after eons of care giving...it's time for a NH!

When your partner/husband/wife/lover threatens to walk because you're so bogged down care giving...it's time for a NH!

When your boss threatens to give you the boot because you call out so much to help your elderly parent...it's time for a NH!

When you're new to AC and care giving and reading all of the posts scares the shit out of you...it's time for a NH!

When your pets have better toilet habits than your elderly parent...it's time for a NH!

When you find yourself totally alone because all your friends have bailed because you have no time for anyone but your elderly parent...it's time for a NH!

When you're facing the streets and find yourself broke as hell due to lost incomes and jobs, with medicaid ready to snatch up the parents assets when they're gone, leaving YOU with nothing...it's time for a NH!

When your parent refuses to give you POA....it's time for a NH!

When you're taking care of a 150 lb baby around the clock for a decade or two...it's time for a NH!

When you can't remember your last vacation thanks to care giving...it's time for a NH!

When you literally can't remember the last time you actually had some fun and weren't stressed and twitching...it's time for a NH!

When you feel like care giving is literally going to kill you...it's time for a NH!

When you're one of the 30% of care givers that die long before their charges do...it's WAY past time to consider a NH!

Yes indeed.

Hello and Morning from Snowy St. Paul Minnesota.
My mother has Alzheimer I suspected it for some time but she was November of 2012...
At that time it was obvious and was told by the doctor she would need someone with her 24 hours. She was also a fall risk.
I was her her primary Caregiver and POA...
Between my two sisters, and Brother and a Home Care Agency we were able to keep her home until 8/10/2013.
In May 2013 she fell and fractured her back a set back physically but more so mentally.
In August 2013 she fell and fractured her hip once again not using the walker, this was a big set back...it really set her back mentally.
While she was in rehab my sister that was living with her decided to move, my brother who also lived there was driving over the road, my other sister had more health issues, the money was running out, and I was burnt out going out their daily.
While she was in rehab I spoke with the social worker and doctor about placing her in a Nursing Home hoping for the one my husband and I have been volunteers with for over 16 years, was 3 blocks from my house, and she was already in rehab at. It wasn't until minutes before the care conference that I was told she would could stay.
The Nursing Home has been wonderful on communicating with me and I speak with them on a daily basis. I am very happy were she is at and I don't have any regrets.
I hope this helps...

I agree with and have experienced all of Standing Alone's reasons for NH placement. Yes, we deserve a life. What is the point in trying to prolong the life of someone with Alzheimer's? The quality of their life is very poor, it ruins the lives of others who love them and whom they once loved; love in fact turns into resentment and more, their dignity becomes utterly lost, and money is thrown away in an effort to prolong this terrible way of living. I would gladly sign a legal document that I want my life taken before I got to such a point, as my husband is now, where he lies for hours and hours in bed, in soaking wet clothes, in a room that burns your nose to enter it, and kicks at me and will bite, hit and push, yelling incoherently when I just want to help him get up and get him undressed, washed and cleaned up. I wish euthanasia would be legalized. It is a terrible, terrible thing to see dementia staring you in the face and feeling nothing but trapped in a nightmare life.

I gave up my home and career to move and care for my mother (Parkinsons & dementia) for four years. After one particularly bad fall when she landed in hospital (again) it5 was obvious that she needed care 24 hours. Her doctor told me that, so long as you stand there with a smile on your face the hospitals will just keep throwing her back to you so I stood my ground and said no more. She`s been in a NH over a year. In that time she`s broken a hip and had another stroke. Now unable to sit up or stand by herself, her dementia is severe, she`s mostly in bed and eats not enough to keep a bird alive.

I bought a dilapidated cottage which I`m fixing up, on 2 acres not far from the NH for me and my critturs. I`ve spent the last year ``in recovery`` and only just recently starting to feel human again, looking forward to a little homesteading and rebuilding my life. My mother has been a mean and A1 narcissist life long and made my life hell. At almost 65 it`s my turn now. You can`t put a price on freedom.

My mother said you can take care of them at home until they become incontinent. Some people soldier on past that point. If she is in danger of falling, she might be safer in a NH. Tell us more about what needs you can't care for. Also, are you getting any sleep? That was the limit for me with my father.

I just read your profile. It sounds like it might be time for you to let her go. She will be kept clean and will have more stimulation in an NH, and you will be happier to visit her and love her if you aren't having to live with her hygiene issues. Good luck.

i like your reply jinx. incontinent or bedfast would quickly require rotating shifts of help imo. my mom got to where i had to nap when she did to be available during her waken hours. quite comparable to a toddler. cant turn your back on them for a moment.

when you can no longer provide for his or her needs, it is time for a nursing home especially if your own health starts to fail which is what happened to me, been caring for her for 7 years, was burned out and going through divorce, he has mistress and my mom was subjected to watching me go through hell, so between caring for her and my mess, my health has suffered, got her into a nursing home, now to take care of him in court

If she has Dementia, the sooner the better. The earlier you get her into a memory care facility, the easier it will be for her to make the adjustment and for the staff to get her accustomed to care. Staff in memory care facilities are specifically trained to know how to deal with all of the behaviors associated with dementia, and for them it's all in a days work, where for you and your mom it's deeply personal.
As mentioned in many other comments, you need to take care of yourself. Cargiving a family member for a long period of time can actually shorten your life span due to the stresses it adds to you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Contact your local Alzheimer's Association to find an Alzheimer's/dementia caregiver support group. You can get group locations and contact info at alz.org Good luck and take good care of yourslef.