I lost my Mom a few months ago. So much of my life was wrapped around looking after her and her needs that I think somewhere along the way I lost myself too. I'm curious to know how others have adjusted. Right now I just don't feel like I have any purpose at all some days. I work part time and I don't even want to do that. In the beginning as painful as the loss was it felt somewhat easier staying so busy clearing out the house and everything but now that its all finished I find myself at a crossroad. I have zero interests in anything it seems these days and I am struggling to find whats next. How have all of you adjusted to life after care giving? I can't possibly be the only one feeling this way. I'm at a total loss on what I want for the rest of my life and I find myself questioning my own mortality more than anything. Is this normal?
Reclaiming or resurrecting the life you had before caregiving isn't an option because you're a much different, smarter, and stronger person. Caregiving changed you and there's no way back.
It's not easy to transition from years of devoted loving service to a life with plenty of freedom to re-invent oneself at leisure and, maybe for the first time, be Lord and master of your own destiny. It's even harder for those whose identity, self-esteem, self-respect, and self-worth has been wrapped around the needs of someone else.
Once you figure out who you are everything else should begin to fall into place.
The loss is at times overwhelming and I am most worried about mom. I provided her 24/7 care for four years and it is absolutely consuming. I am looking for work hopefully something will pan out soon. If not, I will sell my home for cash to live on until I find work.
My golden retreiver and neighbors and friends here have been my saving grace. It is just such an empty feeling that will take time to get me back together. It is a drastic change that regardless of the situation is difficult.
Unless you've been dreaming of doing something.
I've been making plans. I have a vision in my head of what I'm going to do after my caregiving days are over. The ones for my dad are done, except for all the final arrangements and closing all the legal/financial books, but I still caregive for my Edna fulltime. She's 92, now, and we have no idea how much longer she's likely to last. Could be days, weeks, years. If it's closer to years, I may have to reconsider my ability to keep up with the work. My body is craving different, less stressful work.
During your most stressed out moments, what did you wish you might be doing instead? Relaxing on a beach? Sitting in a classroom full of kids? Making crafts? Reading? Decorating a house? I'd imagine there was *somewhere* you'd like to be. Maybe you can build on that.
Good luck, and do let us know how it goes, ok?
LadeeC
I will always miss my mother, but I realized I did the best I could for her for 28 years. In the early years, she helped me by watching my girls while I worked full time and went to school at night. In the later years, our roles reversed. I will always miss her!
Just be patient with yourself, and find something that you enjoy doing. Even if it is just coloring.
I will elaborate more but my soup is almost done and I have to take the dogs out before it gets too dark.
something that crossed through my head today though was this.
It is what it is until it isn't, then you just hope you find what it was again.
Hun, I know your struggles.
Sorry for your loss...
Once upon a time I started the thread "My Whine Moment, What's Yours"? Back then, even though I loved my mother so much, I had to whine about things... it is so hard caring like we do, we are human and have to whine, right? So, with that said. It Is What It Is. Well, now it Isn't, and I will never have "what it is" again.
My dogs have been a huge comfort to me. They are the reasons I get up and go about my day anymore. Since I got my new puppy, Baby G.G. who is just 11 weeks, 2 days and 20 lbs, I've been feeling so much more energy, more happiness and most def more smiles.
Like you I went on the "get it done" marathon. Then went on a "house improvement" marathon. Crashed big time a month ago and decided that "it is what it is".
You and me both have no clue what it is we want it seems. As with all things I guess it's just a matter of time, so they say. Keeping busy is always a great thing.
At 51, I am not ready to give up yet.
Hugs!!
happy, and to go ahead with your own life! You mentioned kids, are there Grandchildren in your life? Here is nothing like a baby or young kids to motivate, but I don't suggest that you get into caregiving again, whether it is for an elder, nor a child, it's time to reinvent your own lifenow, and you will with t7me! Good luck, and God bless!
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