What to do when Mother won't take no as an answer?
Our loved ones can get obsessed on some things. One thing my mother gets obsessed about is laxatives. She's not content with something like Miralax. She wants the heavy duty X-lax, which as you know is not good for her. She thinks if she doesn't use the bathroom each day, then she needs a laxative. I tell her no. She follows me around the house, pleading first, then yelling at me. I often end up having to leave the house. Laxatives make her stay up all night pooping, cause a mess in the bathroom, and sometimes blow out in other areas of the house.
This evening I said no. She'd been to the bathroom many times this week. I really believes that for some reason she just likes to take laxatives. It puts me in a spot, like letting her do something she wants to do, even if it is bad for her and causes a mess.
I guess what you could say she is doing is bullying me into giving her laxatives. I don't like being bullied. I like to be able to say no and have it mean something.
What would you do in this situation if your mother liked to take laxatives? Would you just give in and let her do what she wants? Or would you hold off and go through the bad mouthing trying to make you cave in? My mother is nearly 90 now, but no where near death as far as I can tell.
I say they are dangerous, because women from your mother's generation used them to keep their weight down. Overuse and dependency can cause (among other things) weakness, leading to falls, confusion, fearful and anxious behaviors.
My neighbor (who only lasted here about 6 months,) took too many, fell, was taken away by 911, and because of these behaviors was placed in board and care for mental illness. (That is the greatly simplified version). Of course the laxatives were not the only problem, and I don't want to scare you Jesse. But what you have described about your Mom is similar to the behaviors of my neighbor, for the short time I tried to help her.
I don't want you to endure abuse, so changing out the laxatives may work, but only delay the inevitable that she might need more care by professionals. Hoping you can endure long enough to have your plans for her work out.
Because of possible condition, a yelling match or saying NO may not work. If anyone (not necessarily your Mom) has narcissism, borderline personality disorder, or bipolar II, this could lead to what others have described as: "she will go scortch the earth", or start aggressive behaviors aimed at you.
You are right to ask your caregiver friends on here who have more experience with what you are going through. You need to be safe, while also protecting your Mom.
If anyone can find a solution, you can! Somehow, gaining her cooperation is always ideal. I know what it is like when your person chooses not to cooperate. Fortunately, that did not last long in my home.
Taking deep breaths, not becoming unsettled because of her, keeping your head on straight, all that can help you. Many many hugs, Jessebelle.
One problem is that she can't remember that she pooped. She might go several times one day, but the next day she'll say that she hasn't been in 2-3 days. If I don't give her a laxative, she'll call the drug store to deliver a package. I actually think she gets some gratification from the laxatives.
The hardest thing about saying no is that it makes my life so hard. So I get torn between what is the right thing to do medically and the quality of my own life.
Here ya go, Jessebelle! Fake, candied ex-lax!!
When my mother was quitting smoking via a long transition with e-ciggs she'd often beg, plead, insist, etc. that I go get her some real smokes. She did this with all the children she spent time with. And certainly the daughter she lived with! But we all just said no. (Our concern was all the holes she burned in furniture and clothing, not so much her health in her late 80s!) I know this isn't quite the same, and I realize it is easy to say I'd stand my ground, but who knows what I'd actually do?
Whatever you do, JessieBelle, don't be hard on yourself. You don't have total control over your mother!
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