My mom is on hospice and I have accepted that she doesn't have long. Most days she doesn't eat, but some times she will. The nurse wants me to stop giving her food and water, but I don't know if I can do that. When do you know it's time to stop giving food and water?
The day of his death, my husband ate his usual breakfast (which he hadn't done for a while) and seemed to enjoy it very much. He also perked up and read the newspaper. He didn't want to eat the rest of the day. He died in the evening.
So I guess based on the advice I got and my experience with it, I would give food and liquid right up to the end, IF the person seemed to want it. I would not coax or encourage or "push" food and liquids. I would be guided by what the dying person wanted.
The nourishment changed from solids, to liquids, etc., but not withheld. She ate less and less and I did not force her to eat.
Eventually (as her body no longer required nutrients) she stopped wanting food and water. She slept more and more. Then one night; I went in to tell her goodnight, and she stopped breathing.
You will know when it is time to stop food and water. Let your instincts kick in, and keep your faith. Anything you do to make it easier for your Mom. You are doing it right, for there is no wrong way to keep a loved one comfortable. Before my mo. Passed in her favorite chair, her 6 yr old great grandaughter brushed her hair, painted her nails, and read promises from the bible. She sat in mom' s lap and told her she loved her and hugged her. And when she passed away, Gracie insisted they take grandmas pig with her so she wouldnt be alone. We all thought it was tje most beautiful moments we would ever see again. My mom died in peace.
fairview/Services/HomeCareHospice/Hospice/index.htm
If she asks for food or drink I wouldn't refuse it. Imagine how hard it is to be in the desert with no food or water. The craving!
I've been visiting every day or two and she's declining rapidly. The last couple of times I've made sure lots of juice and water was within easy reach then left as she would open her eyes briefly then go back to sleep again. Yesterday I took her favourite chocolate but she wouldn't have any ... put a piece in her hand and encouraged her but she dropped it and went back to sleep without making any attempt to put it to her mouth. She's in no pain, just fading away. I suspect she has a few days left at best.
We've never been close and I cared for her out of duty so I'm not sure how I feel right now, sort of numb I guess ... waiting for "the" phone call, knowing what I will have to do and what arrangements to make, yet in some sort of weird denial that it will happen.
You are such a good caregiver. Hugs to you.