My mother has always been independent, takes care of everybody too much. She lets my sister and her adult sons live with her? My sister has had mental issues over several years. She thinks celebrities are gonna give her lots of money and rescue her and she always thinks everyone has cameras on her, watching her. She doesn't work she thinks she can't eat a lot of things cause they make her face bleed or make her sick. About 4 yrs ago she threw a cup of hot water at my mom, so we had her evaluated. They put her in housing, but she wouldn't take her meds or keep her appointments so she lost assistance and my mom ended up paying for two households so she let her move back in. My sister is very argumentative, cussing and calling my mom names. Also my sister's sons live there, they don't work, just live off grandma and pawn just about everything she has owned. I have POA over my mom and about a yr ago she came to me having trouble with her household bills so I have taken over all that. She was and is so confused, doesn't have a clue what she has or doesn't have when it comes to anything. I get groceries for her and I dont know how much of that she gets, because everyone lies to me including her. I will tell them they need to move out or I'm gonna evict them, but then my mom gets upset and says if I evict them I'll have to evict her too. Gets mad and upset. I can't convince her to go see a doctor. My sister will tell her not to go or take any meds from a doctor they will kill her cause thats what doctors do, they kill you. What I want is what's best for my mom. I want all of them out, but they have no where to go and I would like my mom to live in my home so I can take care of her instead of her wearing herself out doing laundry, dishes and almost being in tears cause she is so tired, but she won't stop. I'm going to my doctor this week to get medicine for stress and depression before I have a heart attack or stroke. I am constantly thinking about all this, crying all the time. I have to help my mom before something bad happens to her. I am so lost. I don't know where to start. Everything I try seems to come out a dead end. Im not getting anywhere with this situation. I need advice and help.
I think you are worried about physical harm happening to your mother, right? The dementia is going to get worse, no matter where she lives or whom she lives with. Dementia is a fatal condition. You can't really stop that from happening, but you can try to improve the quality of the remainder of her years. Since you are POA and control the finances, perhaps you can take steps to prevent her from being exploited. Daughter must be getting some income -- disability, perhaps. Does she contribute to the costs of the household?
Can you take Mom on outings, to get her out of this environment for a while? A treat at the coffee shop might improve her quality of life at least for an hour! Being with a functioning family member would do her good. Just don't use these outings to nag her about making changes. She gets enough verbal abuse at home. These are pleasure trips.
Think of how much you are worried about Mom. Now think of how her life has been with a mentally ill daughter. (Are the adult grandsons who don't work impaired, too?) Your mother has worried and fretted and been anxious over this situation for years. Even if it is not good for her or good for them, you must understand that she wants to see that nothing bad happens to her daughter, as you want nothing bad to happen to her. She wants the best for them. Of course she is not going to agree to evicting them. Anything done to get them out of the house has to appear good for them.
Would your sister be eligible for the program she was in earlier? Might she cooperate better this time, if she knew Mom's house was not an available alternative?
If Mom moved in with you, could Daughter and her sons afford to stay in the house?
I'm glad you are going to get medical help for your own anxieties. Often depression treatment consists of medication, and then, after the medication has started working, some talk therapy. Follow the treatment plan! You deserve to be at your best.