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My wife is 74 with late stage dementia. Her talk is now just gibberish. What happens if I can't care for her at home, Medicaid will not approve us (we don't have much savings but we make a little over the Medicaid income limit for a couple), and we can't afford a nursing home? .She becomes a bag lady?

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I'd consult with an experienced Elder Care attorney who knows Medicaid laws and estate planning, so you can know where you stand on the financial requirements and if there are things you can do to help her comply, according to the laws. Information about funds, assets, incomes is vital. AND although you say you make a little over the Medicaid limit, there may be EXCEPTIONS that only a trained person may know about. For example, I have heard that some states have funds that pay for certain disabled adults in Assisted Living, especially, Memory Care AL. And that due to it costing more, your income may be variable. I would at least check it out and leave no stone unturned, as it is a huge responsibility to provide around the clock care for a dementia patient in the home, even with outside help.
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I will be meeting with a Elder Care attorney in a couple weeks,
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Warren,
You just do not have enough information yet to proceed. You need help, in the right direction.

Worse case scenario, they negligently send her home without the proper placement and care, and after the call to 911, back she goes for reassessment.

Sorry that you and your wife are not yet getting the help she will need.
Contact the patient's rights advocate listed on the facility's paperwork
or at the office, or at the nursing station. Just make that call.

If you can, find out more about hospitals releasing patients to the streets, and the ensuing lawsuits in the news, abounding. Of course you don't want to sue any party, because you have enough stress. If you were fully armed with information and facts, a warrior for truth fighting for what's right, against wrongs, you could contact the news and have them report to raise awareness of your plight.

Are you able to get an advocate for yourself? Again, I think you need help.

I have read on here that people have strongly suggested not to allow them to send her home, and not for you to sign the discharge papers. Sounds harsh, but it may be necessary to force the care she needs. Maybe even making her a ward of the state, I don't know, but I know you need help, maybe an attorney.

For your benefit, stay with this question, don't start another question yet. It is so hard to get to know you or to help you if you keep moving from question to question.

Can someone help this man and his wife?
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Also, Warren, if she is that resistant, how are you going to be able to care for her in the home?
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Warren, to piggyback on previous posts, were they able to titrate her meds so that her agitation is now under control?

Have you met with Eldercare attorney yet about Medicaid?

How are you holding up, dear man? Your love for your wife shines through.
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Can you take her to the nearest emergency room to photo document the bruises and her current condition?
Or, do you just need to take her home?
When you again call 911 to find her if she elopes, or for some help restraining her, if will be you who is accused of causing the bruises.
Don't give up, just don't give up!
If you don't mind, today I will start praying for you and your wife.
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Hi Warren, I think you already know the answer, there is none. I brought my husband home from the VA hospital with total body bruises and cut head. Nobody wants them unless you have lots of extra $$$$$ each month. Many NHs won't accept Medicaide only private pay. Real rat race. I don't even qualify for a hospital bed for him. Forget VA aid & attendance too much income. Hopefully the three weeks helped to get your wife on the correct meds, not a bandaid fix that blows up in your face in two weeks. No one wants our Alzheimer's Diseased husbands & wives, so we jump in & do the best we can on the meds they give us to keep them calm. And the having family come - unless family members are a constant the AD spouce is not very receptive being left alone with them. I am in year 9, I am tired and I do love my husband, what's left of him. Keep in contact.
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Her speech and walking is coming back and she slept 10 hours last night (first time over 5 hours in three weeks at hospital) and woke up stiff. The doctor seems to have done a great job getting the best combination of drugs. She is very happy to be home, calm, and not agitated. Seeing the elder law lawyer next week probably to tell me I have to sell our rental properties to reduce income and then spend all our life savings like mad down to $2,000. Maybe a luxury world cruise with a 24/7 nurse? Sorry grand kids.
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Warren that is good news maybe the three weeks did it for her, my husband had 31 days in a medicine rehab unit 3 years ago and never had to change the combination since. You will learn to see the agitation start to build and enough time to get her a cup of tea or decaf coffee with a calming Med in it. Your income sources will be reduced to ruble if you attemp the spend down and selling of properties, if she was to have to go into a NH you will be paying $$$$ for quite awhile until you meet all the requirements. When & if things get worse here I will hire help, but for me it's one on one and it's working ok, just remember when she's up live in her world, and never disagree with her, I learned the hard way. Keep us posted, by the way I'm in Maryland not far from you.
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You are a remarkable man, Warren, for providing such hands on loving care for your wife

Not sure where you are in the timeline but hope the atty provided some useful guidance

Do you gave enough funds to get some help in the house a few hours a day to give you a rest ?
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