Where, or how, do I find respect?
The most challenging thing in this circumstance of caring for my elderly handicapped mother is the lack of respect from siblings. It's THE most painful part of my existence and it's so deeply raw and painful. My only comfort is to tell myself that when mom passes, I can finally walk away from them. They no longer have to be in my life. Yes, I can trace their bullying back to my mother, who has always treated me as the family servant. So, I keep asking myself, why on earth do I stay? Because I'm broke? Because I"m too afraid to leave and be homeless? I see I've never learned defense skills. I've learned how to be a professional servant. I'm very good at it and I've worked all my life, but have chronically quit jobs due to bullying, which I end up attracting from a co-worker, or sometimes a boss. It's like I don't know any other way of life. I'm shocked I'm not dead. I don't know what keeps me alive. I have no will of my own. No boundaries whatsoever. Respect must have to be bread into you from the start somehow. I don't know how to create it at 50 years old Do I go off and live in my car and find respect? What do I do when I have a handicapped mother who my siblings refuse to deal with and my entire family treats me like it's my job to take care of her? I used to think I was blessed to have a purpose in life. Now I just wonder, how on earth have I managed to stay alive this long. Survival of the fittest certainly does not apply to me.
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We can choose to surround ourselves with affirming friends. Unfortunately, we can't choose our family. If they are critical and judgmental and we have no other support around us? It becomes a vicious circle.
You need a job! One you're determined to succeed at even if it's at McDonald's. That'd be my dream job, by the way. Always was. Or selling hotdogs. Put in yourr time like a little dynamo, punch out and be ready to be a little dynamo again tomorrow. No worries to carry home...no worries! And a steady paycheck.
Go to the library and get "Seven Habits of Highly Successful People." Read it three times. It's an easy and interesting read...guaranteed to pump you up without preaching. Then start applying for jobs.
Your family will not support your efforts to find a full-time job. Of course, you know why . . . because you take the load off of them. They figure, "Hey! She gets to live there free. The LEAST she can do is take care of mom."
Use this time to be a part-time care-giver to mom and build a little nest egg for yourself. No rent. Save your money. Spend the day in a teamwork environment, determined to be the best-darned-whatever in the place. Surround yourself with positive team spirit. It's probably been a long time. Slowly, but surely, you will build self-esteem. And you'll begin to realize that you ARE gifted. That you can do both . . . care lovingly for mom and succeed at your job. It doesn't get any better than that, my friend.
People will only make us feel bad if WE let them i think therapy would do you the world of good so you can work on your self esteem! im 48 i wish i had the self esteem i have now when i was in my twenties why i could have ruled the world!!!
Hugs and hope you get sorted lifes too short to be living in constant fear!