My wife has dementia. I am her caregiver since I am retired and have the time, and I love her like no agency hired hand with a HS diploma and a few hours of training could (in spite of the agency's advertising literature showing loving and always smiling caregivers). I have never felt 'burned out'. I hire a caregiver once a week so I can do the shopping, etc. I love to take care of my wife. I fully understand the need for family members, who also have families and/or have to work, to hire outside agency help. But what are the actual facts and scientific statistics on the pros and cons of outside agency help?. My daughter says I should hire more help so I would not need to do anything except sit around and watch. I would be bored.
But there is a compromise available that might cheer your daughter up. If you don't want to hire caregivers to do your job, what about getting in help with domestic chores like cleaning and laundry; and what about booking respite care so that every so often you get completely free time to relax and recharge your batteries? It's not all or nothing, you know. And if you want to continue to take good care of your wife, you *must* take care of yourself.
No one can love your wife as you do. That is unique to you and you no doubt will continue that to the end.
Trained people can do other caring things as well (or maybe even better) than you do. To conserve your energy and so you will be able to do what only you uniquely can do, I agree with your daughter that bringing in more help would be a good idea.
Do you have someone to clean the house? Do the laundry? Maintain the lawn? Those are all things that don't require special love and would free you up for caregiving.
I am so glad to hear that you are not experiencing caregiver burnout. Having some extra help will help you avoid that.
I'm not suggesting that you turn your wife's care entirely over to an agency. But do consider listening to your daughter. She has your best interests at heart. Maybe a compromise would be a good place to start.
FACT: 1,095 meals per person per year assuming three meals per day and not including snacks. Although I found a statistic that the average American spends 5.9 hours each week cooking (source: GfK market research) the average American is not responsible for preparing that many meals.
FACT: 390 loads of laundry per year. According to P&G, the average household does over 7 loads of laundry each week.
FACTS:
365 times making the bed.
365 times washing the dishes.
365 times vacuuming or sweeping high traffic areas.
365 times cleaning the kitchen from daily food prep.
365 times wiping the bathroom toilet and sink.
And that's just basic maintenance not including the heavy duty cleaning.
I hope having all these stats is helpful to you. Either you will decide you can do it all, or you'll ask your daughter to help you hire help. I wish you lots of luck!
My Dad [94] has two caregivers that threat him like he was their Grandfather. They are THE best. Dad is now part of their extended family. And Dad looks forward to seeing them, they chat up a storm, laughing and enjoying each others company. One has to remember, this is our first rodeo. For the caregivers they have been on many rodeos and know exactly what to do in new situations. My Dad has dementia, and when his mind is off in the weeds, the gals know exactly how to respond.
So please reconsider Agency caregivers. It depends on what you can afford, and still have savings in case Assisted Living is needed in the future. You may have to go through many caregivers to find the right fit. I had to do that with my Dad. Dad has had the same two gals for almost a year.
You sound like a Gem of a husband though and it's sweet to see you are following up on Daughter's suggestions! Remember to take care of yourself!
Warren could be concerned about a caregiver stealing from his wife and he, or even being abusive to the wife especially if he is out of the home.
Do you recall, or have you seen the news story where a son hired a caregiver for his Alzheimers mom, and the caregiver was caught on secret camera abusing her (ie threw her into the bed)?
Just try to be patient and kind to the caregivers that come in. Give them time to get to know you and your wife. They will figure out what best works for your wife and herself.
I agree with that. It is something that Warren would have to think about in finding a caregiver to help his wife.
Your statement that if you weren't doing caregiving, you would be bored watching TV says so much. Believe me, there is more to life than just one of these things or the other. Sometimes we lose that realization when we are a full-time caregiver. Maybe that is what your daughter is concerned about. You are lucky to have a daughter who cares about you.
Due to the fact my parents refused to hire caregivers or even a cleaning crew created major health issues with me. Apparently my parents forgot I wasn't in my 20's or 30's any more, but I was a senior citizen myself. I physically and mentally crashed and burned. If your daughter is help you, don't do that to her.
I know a woman with five kids who will not allow any of them to move her out of her house, even though she is blind and falls a lot.
In most cases the elder who refuses to shower with family help does just fine with a trained bath aide. Must be the uniform.