1st option is cheaper.
I have my own health issues and am finding my Moms needs growing all the time. She refuses to do anything, even though she is capable. Her feeling is that she should be taken care of. I have hired part time caretakers and she goes to an Adult day program 2 days a week but it still is too much for me. I find myself pissed off and resentful because of her attitude and because I get zero helps from my siblings or their families. She does have mild dementia but she knows what she is doing. She does only what she wants and blatantly refuses to do small tasks I leave for her. She says, I forgot. I told her today that she better step up to reality and help out or I would get full time care for her and she would deal only with them. I feel mean but, it is affecting my health and the time and energy for myself and my husband. He is a real good guy who does alot for my Mom and he deserves a wife who is not irritated all the time. So, should I keep her here with full time help or to assisted living/or memory unit. The former is cheaper.
However, be very cautious about keeping Mom at your home, if hubby is already feeling stressed (and you are already) it is only going to increase as time goes on, unless you get some counseling or 3rd party to Help You Weigh the Options. I am sort of biased against the AL becauee they are so darn expensive, the average person just cannot afford them! Add to this, the uncertainty over how long Mom will live? And in what state of health? A neighbor has a mom 101 and all there upstairs, but sits in wheelchair all day....and she is doing GREAT thanks to a pacemaker they mistakenly replaced (ooops now she is good for another 10 yrs). And mean while the bill about $7k per month.....she is running out of money. Soon will come Medicaid, and then no more private room.
So you see, we all want to have Life go on Happily Ever AFTER, but those of us who are caregiving, and not wealthy, have fewer choices. Find a 3rd party expert, Geriatric Care Manager, and if you can afford for them to come up wih a plan, go for it. If funds are limited do lots of research here and elsewhere.