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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My mom lives in a memory "support" unit of an assisted living facility. She frequently refers to all of the children & teenagers who are around, and she is afraid that they will take her things. Since she moved there 9 months ago, I have seen one visitor who was a child or teen, & I am there pretty often. I think they are just in her imagination. She doesn't have a definite diagnosis of a type of dementia, but it doesn't seem to be Alz., per se. Will have to look into the LBD disease. She also had hypertension for years and refused to take medication, so also has brain damage from that, based on CT scans. That could be part of what's going on, too. Some days are better than others, as all of you know.
I am so glad I asked this question. Thank you all for sharing!!! Reading the newer posts I just remember something... As a hairdresser I get close to people especially the aging ones I find there conversations so interesting, my co-workers say I have a lot patients (not meaning customers...listening time) with them. I find the stories they tell are, interesting, historical, and educational. More so than young people complaining about things they still have time to change, if they just stop complaining and do something about it. Anyway... One woman who was mentally fine, took a turn downhill and passed on quite quickly for physical reasons. Her daughter came into the shop and opened up to me about her Mom's last days. She picked up on the fact I would understand and not criticize. She explained that her Mom kept talking to her Dad (Husband..who passed about one year earlier) and she told her daughter that her Dad was there with them , where he was standing and telling her to let go he was waiting for her. Soon after she watched her Mom peacefully and happily go to rest forever. The daughter said to me that she had not shared that with others, not even family, because she knew people would not understand but she felt very comfortable telling me!!! I really forgot about this or had not thought of it until now. I guess you all are the group of people, meant for me share this with. Our elders may be giving us the run around and we are chosen to struggle through it all, but maybe this is all because we are being taught and we should really listen. We may not understand fully what is being taught but I think we have a different understanding of love and life that most people will never understand.
Those of you whose loved ones think there are multiple versions of you or someone else might want to look up capgras syndrome. As with all symptoms of dementia, report the situation to the doctor.
My mom always sees a little girl. She comes out of her room and asks, where did she go? I ask who, she says my little girl, she was just talking to me and then she disappeared. She goes outside, worried, because the little girl is only 4, so she says, and where could she have gone? She starts crying and is deeply worried for her. I try everything to take her mind off of it but she continues looking. I am her only daughter, but I wonder if she had a miscarriage that I don't know about or is she just looking for me as a little girl? She can never say what her name is, just that it's her little girl.
Saleymom, that is very interesting what your Mom is doing. The first thing that came to mind was a ghost of a child who had previously lived in the house decades ago. And the ghost feels comfortable around your Mom. Do you live in an old house? Or on a property that once had an old house?
If not a ghost, maybe it's your Mom as a child or a sister [if she had any]. A childhood friend... or the child is you.
It would be fascinating to find out from your Mom what is the child's name.
Saleymom - your story broke my heart - your poor mom, so worried about the little girl! Since your mom doesn't know her name. I'm assuming something like this suggestion wouldn't upset her more - have you tried saying "her mom came and picked her up" or something to that effect to keep your mom from fretting?
freqflyer, I know it's not the house because she just recently came to live with me full time back in October and before that when she would come visit me at special occasions she would do the same thing. She doesn't drive so when it was time to leave with whomever she got a ride with, she would look for the little girl and insisted on not leaving her behind. We would just say she got a ride with someone else and that she is fine and she would calm down. She still does that when we go to the grocery store. When we get back to car she always asks for the little girl and how we can't leave her in the store, because she will be lost. I have asked her many times for her name and she says she can't remember, so I ask her to describe her, she says she is a skinny little girl, I ask her does she have short or long hair, she says I don't remember if she had braids in her hair. I have told her that her sister picked her up, my aunt, she used to take care of us when we were little, so I call my aunt and I tell her to say she is with her and she is ok. It helps for a little. She did grow up with 9 sisters and a lot of girl cousins.
Saleymom, young children or small people are probably the most common hallucinations in dementia. My aunt (who never had dementia) saw children in her house when she had a uti.
My guess is that it has more to do with brain chemistry than previous residents of the house, or miscarriages, or personal meaning. A minister with LBD saw young children in his home all the time. His wife (in my local support group) simply reassured him. "I've already given them a snack, and their parents are picking them up soon, so they won't be joining us for dinner."
I think you are doing splendidly by reassuring Mom and not arguing with her. You don't need to figure out who this child is to continue doing that. Use this as an opportunity to praise your mom and make her feel good.
"Mom, you were such a great mother to me when I was little! I can understand why little girls want to hang around you. And it is so kind of you to be concerned about her. She has a good family, too, and she needs to send time with them. But I expect she'll be back."
One other suggestion would be to try a life-size baby doll (or a doll about the size and weight distribution of a baby, but the features of a toddler.) A quality doll like this can be found for about $100 or so. Much more expensive dolls are also available but they are generally "collector" dolls and not really meant to be handled a lot. Less expensive dolls available at discount stores are typically made to fit a little girl's arms. A life-size doll is more suitable for an adult.
When you give it to her say something like, "Since you are friends with a little girl, I thought this might be nice in your room." Or let her help you pick it out online, with the same reasoning. Don't tell her it is a baby. Whether she treats it like a toy or a baby or says her little friend plays with her -- however she relates to the doll, just go along with it. Take your cues from her. It may just wind up being an expensive decoration on her dresser, or it may help her express her nurturing instincts. If you or she can afford it, I'd say it is worth a try.
My MIL just turned 85 this past month. She was diagnosed with dimentia 10 yrs ago. For the first yr after her husband passed I traveled back n forth weekly to visit her and to take her shopping n to her doctors appointments as she didn't drive. After a yr of doing this I realized she just wasn't capable of living alone, she would forget to eat, take her meds etc even with me calling her three to four times a day to remind her. I finally told my husband that she had to come live with us. Over the years her memory has increasingly gotten worse and of course our lives have completely changed because she has no desire to go shopping or movies or do anything.. In the last 3-4 months mom has started hallucinating. She will come to our room in the middle of the night asking where are we going ? Or did you call me or ask me if I'm ok, she thought she heard me call her name. I tuck her in at night like a child hug n kiss her n tell her how much I love her and she tells me the same. She usually sleeps sound from about 8:30 p to around midnight, then it all starts. She claims people are outside asking her to let them in or coaxing her to come go with them. We've had to put alarms on all the doors for fear of her wondering off in the middle of the night. The door alarms didn't dissuade her so now we have an eye set on her bedroom door that alarms next to our bed when she opens her bedroom door . This alarm goes off 4-5 times a night after midnight. She's always looking for someone who is either calling to her or trying to find someone who was just in her room. The past couple weeks it's been a woman or a young girl she's been seeing and searching for. She claims that they call her by name and ask her if she's coming with them or if she's ready to go ? It's really scary for me to know she's goring through this especially knowing there's nothing I can do about it.. Her doctors are aware of this and just tell me to go along with her on it not to argue or make her feel she isn't experiencing what she's speaking of. So I just tell her that they've left and will be back again because they felt she needed her rest more than taking the trip. She seems to experience the hearing of voices more at night but is very adimant about the fact that she Sees people during the day. Her hallucinations seem to be more frequent when she's just waking or relaxing. She even calls me mom and refers to my husband her son as Dad... This disease is horrible and it's a thief in the night that robs people of their identity and their dignity.. such a sad situation when dealing with someone who suffers from this. Moms doctors told me that during the course of this disease there comes a point when it affects the family and caregivers more so than the afflicted because their memory of who or what they are no longer exist but we are suffering through their loss each and every day until their passing..
My MIL just turned 85 this past month. She was diagnosed with dimentia 10 yrs ago. For the first yr after her husband passed I traveled back n forth weekly to visit her and to take her shopping n to her doctors appointments as she didn't drive. After a yr of doing this I realized she just wasn't capable of living alone, she would forget to eat, take her meds etc even with me calling her three to four times a day to remind her. I finally told my husband that she had to come live with us. Over the years her memory has increasingly gotten worse and of course our lives have completely changed because she has no desire to go shopping or movies or do anything.. In the last 3-4 months mom has started hallucinating. She will come to our room in the middle of the night asking where are we going ? Or did you call me or ask me if I'm ok, she thought she heard me call her name. I tuck her in at night like a child hug n kiss her n tell her how much I love her and she tells me the same. She usually sleeps sound from about 8:30 p to around midnight, then it all starts. She claims people are outside asking her to let them in or coaxing her to come go with them. We've had to put alarms on all the doors for fear of her wondering off in the middle of the night. The door alarms didn't dissuade her so now we have an eye set on her bedroom door that alarms next to our bed when she opens her bedroom door . This alarm goes off 4-5 times a night after midnight. She's always looking for someone who is either calling to her or trying to find someone who was just in her room. The past couple weeks it's been a woman or a young girl she's been seeing and searching for. She claims that they call her by name and ask her if she's coming with them or if she's ready to go ? It's really scary for me to know she's goring through this especially knowing there's nothing I can do about it.. Her doctors are aware of this and just tell me to go along with her on it not to argue or make her feel she isn't experiencing what she's speaking of. So I just tell her that they've left and will be back again because they felt she needed her rest more than taking the trip. She seems to experience the hearing of voices more at night but is very adimant about the fact that she Sees people during the day. Her hallucinations seem to be more frequent when she's just waking or relaxing. She even calls me mom and refers to my husband her son as Dad... This disease is horrible and it's a thief in the night that robs people of their identity and their dignity.. such a sad situation when dealing with someone who suffers from this. Moms doctors told me that during the course of this disease there comes a point when it affects the family and caregivers more so than the afflicted because their memory of who or what they are no longer exist but we are suffering through their loss each and every day until their passing..
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If not a ghost, maybe it's your Mom as a child or a sister [if she had any]. A childhood friend... or the child is you.
It would be fascinating to find out from your Mom what is the child's name.
My guess is that it has more to do with brain chemistry than previous residents of the house, or miscarriages, or personal meaning. A minister with LBD saw young children in his home all the time. His wife (in my local support group) simply reassured him. "I've already given them a snack, and their parents are picking them up soon, so they won't be joining us for dinner."
I think you are doing splendidly by reassuring Mom and not arguing with her. You don't need to figure out who this child is to continue doing that. Use this as an opportunity to praise your mom and make her feel good.
"Mom, you were such a great mother to me when I was little! I can understand why little girls want to hang around you. And it is so kind of you to be concerned about her. She has a good family, too, and she needs to send time with them. But I expect she'll be back."
One other suggestion would be to try a life-size baby doll (or a doll about the size and weight distribution of a baby, but the features of a toddler.) A quality doll like this can be found for about $100 or so. Much more expensive dolls are also available but they are generally "collector" dolls and not really meant to be handled a lot. Less expensive dolls available at discount stores are typically made to fit a little girl's arms. A life-size doll is more suitable for an adult.
When you give it to her say something like, "Since you are friends with a little girl, I thought this might be nice in your room." Or let her help you pick it out online, with the same reasoning. Don't tell her it is a baby. Whether she treats it like a toy or a baby or says her little friend plays with her -- however she relates to the doll, just go along with it. Take your cues from her. It may just wind up being an expensive decoration on her dresser, or it may help her express her nurturing instincts. If you or she can afford it, I'd say it is worth a try.
For the first yr after her husband passed I traveled back n forth weekly to visit her and to take her shopping n to her doctors appointments as she didn't drive. After a yr of doing this I realized she just wasn't capable of living alone, she would forget to eat, take her meds etc even with me calling her three to four times a day to remind her. I finally told my husband that she had to come live with us.
Over the years her memory has increasingly gotten worse and of course our lives have completely changed because she has no desire to go shopping or movies or do anything..
In the last 3-4 months mom has started hallucinating. She will come to our room in the middle of the night asking where are we going ? Or did you call me or ask me if I'm ok, she thought she heard me call her name. I tuck her in at night like a child hug n kiss her n tell her how much I love her and she tells me the same. She usually sleeps sound from about 8:30 p to around midnight, then it all starts. She claims people are outside asking her to let them in or coaxing her to come go with them. We've had to put alarms on all the doors for fear of her wondering off in the middle of the night. The door alarms didn't dissuade her so now we have an eye set on her bedroom door that alarms next to our bed when she opens her bedroom door . This alarm goes off 4-5 times a night after midnight. She's always looking for someone who is either calling to her or trying to find someone who was just in her room.
The past couple weeks it's been a woman or a young girl she's been seeing and searching for. She claims that they call her by name and ask her if she's coming with them or if she's ready to go ? It's really scary for me to know she's goring through this especially knowing there's nothing I can do about it..
Her doctors are aware of this and just tell me to go along with her on it not to argue or make her feel she isn't experiencing what she's speaking of. So I just tell her that they've left and will be back again because they felt she needed her rest more than taking the trip. She seems to experience the hearing of voices more at night but is very adimant about the fact that she Sees people during the day. Her hallucinations seem to be more frequent when she's just waking or relaxing.
She even calls me mom and refers to my husband her son as Dad... This disease is horrible and it's a thief in the night that robs people of their identity and their dignity.. such a sad situation when dealing with someone who suffers from this.
Moms doctors told me that during the course of this disease there comes a point when it affects the family and caregivers more so than the afflicted because their memory of who or what they are no longer exist but we are suffering through their loss each and every day until their passing..
For the first yr after her husband passed I traveled back n forth weekly to visit her and to take her shopping n to her doctors appointments as she didn't drive. After a yr of doing this I realized she just wasn't capable of living alone, she would forget to eat, take her meds etc even with me calling her three to four times a day to remind her. I finally told my husband that she had to come live with us.
Over the years her memory has increasingly gotten worse and of course our lives have completely changed because she has no desire to go shopping or movies or do anything..
In the last 3-4 months mom has started hallucinating. She will come to our room in the middle of the night asking where are we going ? Or did you call me or ask me if I'm ok, she thought she heard me call her name. I tuck her in at night like a child hug n kiss her n tell her how much I love her and she tells me the same. She usually sleeps sound from about 8:30 p to around midnight, then it all starts. She claims people are outside asking her to let them in or coaxing her to come go with them. We've had to put alarms on all the doors for fear of her wondering off in the middle of the night. The door alarms didn't dissuade her so now we have an eye set on her bedroom door that alarms next to our bed when she opens her bedroom door . This alarm goes off 4-5 times a night after midnight. She's always looking for someone who is either calling to her or trying to find someone who was just in her room.
The past couple weeks it's been a woman or a young girl she's been seeing and searching for. She claims that they call her by name and ask her if she's coming with them or if she's ready to go ? It's really scary for me to know she's goring through this especially knowing there's nothing I can do about it..
Her doctors are aware of this and just tell me to go along with her on it not to argue or make her feel she isn't experiencing what she's speaking of. So I just tell her that they've left and will be back again because they felt she needed her rest more than taking the trip. She seems to experience the hearing of voices more at night but is very adimant about the fact that she Sees people during the day. Her hallucinations seem to be more frequent when she's just waking or relaxing.
She even calls me mom and refers to my husband her son as Dad... This disease is horrible and it's a thief in the night that robs people of their identity and their dignity.. such a sad situation when dealing with someone who suffers from this.
Moms doctors told me that during the course of this disease there comes a point when it affects the family and caregivers more so than the afflicted because their memory of who or what they are no longer exist but we are suffering through their loss each and every day until their passing..