I had a pretty bad breakdown today. It just seems like this caregiving thing is kicking my butt. I totally understand that they get worse but when I'm having a bad day I tend to forget that. Anyway, my husband and I finally agreed that it's probably best for me to see someone about this. Bless my poor husband's heart. He works almost all day, comes home and has to hear me complain about his parents and take care of them because I'm going crazy. I need counseling. My emotions get to me. I get worked up over small things. I need someone to talk to besides my husband. It's been 3 years since taking care of his parents and I can only complain to him about them for so long...trying to figure out who I should be seeing. A therapist? Psychologist? Counseling? HELP!
My sig other has a bucket list of places he wants to see and things he wants to do. I have zero interest because I am trying to pick up the pieces of caregiving for years, even though it wasn't hands-on under the same roof, it still was emotionally exhausting to me.
Just curious, does your husband take over the caregiving on the weekend, doing everything? Or just helps doing just this or that? He may not realize how overwhelming it can be.
It may be that you are ok mentally, but just need a little help.
However, the definition of insanity is:
"Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"
Your stress reaction is a red flag that something needs to change.
Then, go again.
A couple of months ago my primary doctor recommended a Talk Therapist, and boy did I luck out. It was worth the wait to see her. She is around my age, and had issues with her late parents as they aged. Talk about a perfect match. We can pretty much talk about anything. She had helped build up my self-confidence which disappeared as I was helping my late parents. Plus I had other issues which were causing just as much stress as my parents. IT will take awhile to get back on the right track, but at least I am on the right train :)
If your in-laws have funds, hire a paid caregiver to come in to help them. You have to go through a few caregivers from an Agency to find a good fit. And don't shadow the caregivers as they do their work, this is your free time, get out of the house if you have the energy. Find a part-time job or do volunteer work to give you the great feeling of really being needed.
Great idea to see a therapist. I have no idea which is best. Do you have insurance coverage? I think I would check to see how that works and who is in-network, conveniently located, comes recommended, etc. I like professionals who have experience, simply because they have seen things and lived more and generally more comfortable with themselves, but, that's me.
In my experience, it's less the title that the person has than the quality of the relationship and the "goodness of fit" that allows you to work of these sorts of issues sucessfully.
Arrange respite, and start thinking about your exit strategy when this becomes too much for you to do.