& what kind of docs? With no trustworthy family members to rely on in the case of my own mental disability, After caring for my Dad who passed a few months ago at age 93, I'm now looking at my own future. My brother and his family deeply resent me for offering my home to Dad in his last years because they wanted access to his money before he died. Dad agreed with me to set up a trust so his money went for his care during those years, which it did. When he died, all Dad's funds were split 50/50 between my brother and me, as Dad intended. My brother and his family won't speak to me now. I don't anticipate this schism or my brother's resentment will ever change. I'm 59 and looking at my own potential future and feeling vulnerable. I am unmarried & have no children, no other relatives other than my brother and his family who I can't trust. I set up a Medical POA with a good friend but haven't known her long enough to be able to 100% trust she would never be tempted to take my savings; something that is possible with DPOAs. I've seen a CPA (who works in a small firm) who recommends setting up a revocable trust with himself in charge of the $ and my friend in charge of my physical needs. I was told by an attorney, not part of his office, that I didn't need a trust - only a DPOA for financial decisions in the event of my incapacitation and a Medical POA. Here are my questions: (1) Would be it safer to list as my DPOA the CPA or the firm he belongs to? I'm thinking that if he retires in a few years, if I had appointed him personally as my DPOA and not his firm, I might have a problem. Also, I would hope I could trust a firm over an individual CPA. He seems trustworthy, but you never know. (2) This CPA offered the use of an attorney who he usually deals with to write up all the necessary documents. Is this a conflict of interest and might this put me at risk? (3) I don't want to lose ownership of my home which I understand would happen if I put the house in the trust - it would belong then to the trust. I am concerned now only of protecting myself from the possibility of my brother going to court and claiming guardianship of me if I were incapacitated - or the court choosing him as my guardian given that he is the closest relative. This would be disasterous for me. My brother would take all my assets and leave me without anything. He would have done that to our father if given the opportunity. (4) What kind of documents do I actually need to have in place? Would a DPOA and medical POA suffice or would it be better to establish a Living Trust and separate medical POA, given that my home would not be part of the trust? My understanding of trusts is that these docs are set in place to help prevent probate. At my age, I'm not so worried about what happens to my assets after I die. I have a will already so am just trying to get documentation established to prevent my brother or any of his family from getting guardianship of me if I cannot answer for myself, either by going to court or being assigned my guardian by a court by default. I live in Texas. Does anyone know of someone who had to rely on non-family for POAs? I would like to know what they decided and how that has worked for them. Thanks in advance for anyone's thoughts and sorry for all the questions. It is a complicated matter that I just don't want to make a mistake on.
These fiduciaries are licensed and bonded. I have a trust - this is most important because it is the only way someone else can handle your affairs if you are incapacitated (even a spouse would have to go to court to get guardianship if the other spouse had dementia, etc.) I have Power of Attorney and Medical Power of attorney. My trust even covers my pets (as 3 are long living parrots).
The fiduciary will take over if I am unable according to the terms of the trust. My lawyer , banks, etc. all have a copy of the trust. All assets are held by the trust.
The few cousins I have left live in other states and I would never let them handle my affairs anyway.
Trust stipulates my current choice of fiduciaries and if she is unable to serve another member of PFAC will be chosen.
You may want to look for an attorney that specializes in estate planning or elder law. They are generally much more knowledgable about your needs than your local lawyers who handle lots of other kinds of cases.
I would not buy annuities. That doesn't solve your problem at all--just puts your funds into another place where maybe you can't get them if you need them.
Perhaps an elder law or estate planning attorney could set up a plan where your friend who you've entrusted with your health care decisions could also be in charge of your financials but be under the supervision of another person--like your CPA or attorney.
ruthieruth on AgingCare.com
July 2016
I am in a similar situation. I don't have Alz but have memory issues and lots and lots of physical disabilities. What I did is made a Will and Advanced Directive and an Alzhiemer advanced directive...even if it's not "legal" in my state, it covers a lot of the "wants" and I attached it to my advanced directive that is legal. It lets my wishes be known. I also completed the Compassion and Choices paperwork in a way that suits my preferences, regarding Right to Die. I think, whether Pro or Con, it's important to state MY WISHES, because sometimes doctors get funky and try to play God with insurance, and dole out care based on what they think is covered, VS what is actually covered, and what a person wants. So i got very specific and wrote it down. I also made a video explaining everything.
I made a different video for my caregivers..This is how i like my hair brushed, This is what i like to eat. Like a series of training videos.
These are the topics i covered:
Food and diet
Medications (I take this one with food. I know the doc said this, I do it like this....)
Groceries
Shopping
Clothes and Laundry
Passwords and Financial Accounts (I also dictated permission to my bank to let the person who is pay on death have permission to close the account even if some of the paperwork was not exactly correct...etc. Don't know if this will work, but i explained it.I have filled out a financial POA....)
I did a video of explaining what i do for fun, a bit of my family history,
etc..all of the things a person would need to know to care for me is on video.
What kind of toothpaste i use....etc etc etc.
mentioned the video in my ADvanced directives.
I also made a video that explained, for instance, when my friend had a stroke and needed a feeding tube, I don't want that. that i am OK with this treatment in this situation etc...as many as i can think of, and my reasons why.
It might sound kind of creepy, and I didn't do it all at once, but once i got it done, i felt really at peace, like I could stay in the present minute and not worry too much about the future.
I also sold a LOT of my stuff. Took pictures of it, but simplified. Saves on caregiving costs.
in terms of the actual person to name on the DPOA, i started hanging out on some of these websites where young millennials hang out and watched for the smart ones, that I basicaily agreed with, who don't back down easy, and are good advocates. Finally asked one or two of them to be a final advocate for me, and to watch my videos. Introduced these people to my friends, and doctors, had them fingerprinted, and referenced. I mean, what the heck. Didn't know my first grade teacher either. Leap of faith.
I talk to my doctors A LOT.
And yes, my attorney.
Hope I go in my sleep, quietly and peacefully, like my grandpa did. Not kicking and screaming like the folks in the backseat of his car......:) good luck to you.
In my experience, my sister was POA for her husband, who was paralyzed. Her elder law/estate planning attorney prepared a document that transferred that POA to me in the event of her death, which happened before his. I had some push-back sometimes when I would present these documents, but once their legal dept would review them, they were always accepted.
I know this sounds like it would just require you to name more people that you already don't have; but my point is that you need an attorney who specializes in your needs. He or she should be able to tell you what to do; but more important, explain to you WHY, so you understand and are comfortable with the decision.
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