Mom has dementia, lives in a memory care facility and is now on hospice. The legal guardian, daughter takes care of her. The daughter sent a letter to the siblings and father (husband of Mom) a year ago requesting funeral arrangements in writing, but received no response.
When daughter became guardian of Mom Father wanted to be back in control of Moms life insurance policy, so daughter gave policy back to Dad. Daughter is now unsure if policy exists,lapsed or was borrowed against. Oldest sibling takes care of Dads finances and refuses to talk to daughter who is guardian of Mom.
Also to mention none of the siblings or father visit Mom. Father and sister came at Christmas for 20 minutes to see Mom, but in the guardians opinion it was only to clear their consience , after she spoke with the Dad telling him Mom was declining.
Guardian/daughter has made arrangements for Moms remains to go to a university for Alzheimer’s research.
Once the university is finished with Moms remains the university does a memorial service for her and others donated. Her remains can be buried at the site on the university or the daughter can have the remains sent to her in a run. This is all at no cost.
Also to mention, the father signed a legal document three years ago relinquishing his responsibilities for the care of his wife over to the daughter, now guardian of Mom.
The daughter and her spouse do not feel it is their financial responsibility to bury or make funeral arrangements for Mom. They feel it is the Dad’s, husbands duty to do this. He supposedly has the life policy if it exists. Do you think the decision to donate Mom for research is ethical, since the family will not communicate on this topic?
let those who are in fact in charge....like it or not...deal with this. If you insist on putting yourself into the situation...then they will all dump it totally on you. If that is not your wish...back away
Just let it go. Let them carry out whatever plans they have in place and keep your own counsel.
I would have to agree with Katiekate. You need to back away from this. In the event when mom passes I would call dad or siblings and tell them what happen and "they" have to make the decision on mom's funeral that you refuse to make any decision without them. Leave a voice message or text...whatever you have to do. Do not make the decision alone!
It has has to be difficult, especially in your situation to have one person as POA and another as Executor.
I would decide at the point you need to, it could be years before they are done with her remains and things change. I personally would have them intern her at the university, what a great legacy, my g-g-grandma is buried at university, pretty cool in my opinion.
Do what you need to do for yourself when she passes, go have lunch at her favorite place, get friends and family together and have a picnic or whatever, it is for you at that point.
Money tends to bring out the ugliest of some people, sorry your step-dad feels like he doesn't have to care for his wife's heart any longer.
Hugs!
I would appreciate any information you can provide. Thanks!
Since it was her last gesture to benefit the lives of others, her remains should be buried at the university.