My husband recently spent five days in the hospital after three trips to the ER in two weeks for violent behavior. I refused to take him home and his PC doc supported me, even told me to do it. He was admitted "for observation as an outpatient", had a full psych eval and they changed his meds: for seroquel, from 50 mg to 100 at bedtime and 25 mg as needed during the day; adding depekote liquid three times a day-2.5 ml in the am and afternoon and 5 ml at bedtime. Seemed to work for about a week, but his sundowning is now worse than ever from about 5:30 pm until at least 1 am and for three nights now until midnight until 2am.
Last night was the worst. He was intermittently violent. Insisting that someone was trying to get into the bedroom, (a room NOT his, and demanding that he be taken home). I could go on for paragraphs about his many denentia-fueled behaviors, but I am sure you get the idea. Then he was up at 6 am, dressing himself, dentures in, hearing aids in place, brushing his hair, putting on the soiled clothes from yesterday, bed soaked. He refused to take a shower or let me wipe the urine off of his skin.
I am truly an emotional wreck and I am the one who does not want to be in this world. There is absolutely no money for placing him anywhere and I hate to add more meds and drug him into a stupor, and when I try to restrain him when he threatens and hits-not any hard hits, but it terrifies me because of early childhood abuse. Now he is up and quiet, but I am exhausted and barely functioning. I ache all over from trying to help him up off of the floor and back onto the bed several times because the drugs severely affect his standing and walking yet when I leave the room he manages to get up and do what he wants. It is baffling and frightening.
Next, be very careful about your 'debt counselling company' that you referred to on September 7, particularly if they are not charging you for the counselling. They are paid by the creditors to keep you out of bankruptcy. Not so much because of the pittance you may be paying off the debt, but because bankruptcy wipes off the debt completely and this adversely affects the assets on the creditors' Balance Sheet, hence their share value - even the counsellor's commission and annual bonuses for someone up the top. Try to get a second opinion from a non-profit financial counselling agency. I have done a lot of work with social workers, and maths is very rarely their strong point. Re-check the money situation very carefully, because it controls your financial options both for self-pay for a facility and also for Medicaid. (Australia has just had a devastating Royal Commission on the Finance sector, please don't treat these comments as paranoid scare mongering).
Best wishes, Margaret
Mr. S did not adapt to the AL and became hard to handle. So much so, that he went on a rampage. He was throwing things, one being a desk top computer. The staff locked themselves and residents in the conference room and called police. He was taken to a Psychiatric hospital for evaluation and meds.
My daughter says that it can take about 30 days to see how a med will work. If found it doesn't and they need to try another, tack on another 30 days, Your husband needs more supervision than a regular hospital can give. You need to be firm on this.
Please, the advice your getting is good advice. At first sign he may get violent call the police. Then stand firm and tell them you will not allow him to come back into your home because u fear for your safety.
Praying that this nurse gets the ball rolling and husband will get placed somewhere. If Medicaid is needed, they will not leave you impoverished.
People who visit this forum forum have said that we are always quick to recommend a facility. Maybe we are, but it’s certainly warranted in this case. Your husband is a danger to himself and to you. My mother had dementia and was combative. I still have a scar on my arm from where she gouged me.
Call your local Medicaid office and see if there is any way they can help you. Failing that, during his next “crash” take him to the ER and ask to speak with their social worker. Impress upon them that he is violent and you do not feel safe in your own home. You aren’t abandoning him, you’re looking out for yourself.
My suggestion is to contact Medicaid for an appt. Take all ur financial information with you. Proof of CDs/IRAs, bank statement, etc. Basically what Medicaid will do is split your assets in a way you will be able to live. Husbands will be separated and will need to be spent down. If there is enough for private pay in a home, I would go that way and about 60/90 days before you need it, file for Medicaid. If no money, then straight to the NH once Medicaid gives the OK. Each situation is different so this is just an overview. If he has violent tendencies you could get hurt. They get very strong.
Have you been able to contact the doctor who prescribed the meds -- what does he suggest you do? I don't see how you can be expected to run a one-woman geriatric psychiatric ward.