Im not upset that i take care of mom.(i stay with her or its a nursing home...not!)I'm early 50's ..she is late 70's..don't know where to begin..i need the help of my sister ..late 40's..we both have children and grandchildren..but my sister .. Always excuses
.no help what so ever..for 7 months I broke a bone in my knee..I was on a walk, wheelchair, etc..not allowed to put foot on floor..I still took care of my mom. She is on a walker.. My sister less than 15 minutes from our house..came 2 times!..twice I took mom to an er 100 miles away to her Dr. On a walker myself..she kept calling but never offered to help..I'm at my witts end.. Mom won't say anything to her .. Tells me she is but won't..I've kept my mouth to a low ..but I am so stressed..every time I try to get through to her.. Excuses excuses excuses!..any advice
I change my mom's sheets and clean her kitchen every weekend, and I would LOVE it if one of my sisters would step up and do it even once! I can't imagine, though, telling either of my sisters that it's now "their job" to do something for mom. One sister refused to even acknowledge my request for a family meeting, claiming that she didn't like "feeling like she was being summoned."
I don't think most of us have the power to "assign" any chores to our uninvolved siblings. None of my siblings have ever agreed that the help Mom needs ought to be shared equally or equitably by us siblings. They all have their reasons and excuses whey they shouldn't have to help as much, or help at all. I'm just asking for a fight if I try to challenge any of their beliefs.
Sometimes as the CAREGIVER you have to give up some control to get what you want. I'm sorry your sister doesn't feel the need to help you out, I truly am!
Maybe if you got a calendar and set aside a few days or however you want to do it and then tell your sister she's responsible for mom or these chores on this day and that day she'll feel you're letting her to be a part of your moms care and not just someone you call on when you need a break.
You're the older sister, did you take on the responsibly without sitting down with her and discussing it like 2 adults and finding a solution together?
I would either acccept their decision to not contribute in time or money or I would tell them pointblank what I need. For example, say directly to them, I need for you to come and care for mom on Saturdays all day. And to pick up her medication every month and pay the co-pay. Or perhaps ask them to purchase some items she needs. Give them the list and where they can be found. If they don't have much in funds, ask them to come over and help with cleaning and transportation of mom. I would be very specific to the time and place to do it.
They can agree or come up with an excuse. If they refuse to help, then accept it and let it go. They make their decision and you make yours.
The answer for this OP, maybe, is to be specific. When sister calls, have in mind a particular thing that you would like her to do and ask her to do it. Wait for her to offer and you will wait in vain, because she doesn't know what needs doing and it is unrealistic to expect her to work it out. Not unreasonable nor unfair, but unrealistic. It won't happen.
My God.. this poor woman was on a walker herself taking her mom to the ER!
Like it or not siblings are going to need help at some point from their own children and they are showing a good example..
Your sister made a different decision. I can understand why this disappoints you, but it is what it is.
In the realm of taking care of Mom, consider yourself an only child. Of course you need help! Since you are an only child, learn about community resources and other ways to get it. You CANNOT count on your siblings. The sooner you accept that and get on with making other arrangement, the better!