When my 95 year old Aunt was diagnosed with a UTI, I let her know that a UTI can sometimes get serious enough to send her to the hospital. I also explained again about water and how important it is to change her Poise pad. Up to that point it was a daily fight to get her to drink enough water and get her to understand the necessity of changing her Poise pads even if it didn't feel wet to her. On the 2nd full day of taking the medicine, she woke up feeling the urge but unable to pee and it freaked her out. (I did call doc office). Well I'll tell you that day I never had to remind her about either. She drank twice as much water and changed that pad WAY more times than necessary. She didn't have any trouble remembering to do it. The next day, without the scare of not peeing and the burning becoming less painful, all of a sudden we are right back where we were. My mind tells me that when it is important to HER....when SHE believes something will help her, then she remembers. But, now it isn't important anymore so we are right back where we started. She has never understood the need for all this water, which is why she never drank ANY her whole life. And I mean that literally. And she has never believed me when I tell her that her pad is wet when it doesn't feel wet cause she can't see it or smell it. So, my question is am I right. If SHE decides its important, no trouble remembering. But if SHE doesn't think it is important, memory problems galore. I am frustrated about this.
I had similar frustration with my husband not wearing or caring for his hearing aids.
Here is the quick and easy solution: I take care of it myself. I set up a time to change the batteries and tips of the hearing aids. Then he can hear and I am not in a constant state of frustration.
So my recommendation to you is: put the glass of water on the table at each meal, no food until she drinks it, and for "dessert" she get s new pad to change.
It is frustrating, and you can't help feeling that the person is sort of doing it on purpose to be provoking, but in reality there is no intent and it isn't even wholly illogical. Try remembering that your priorities are not necessarily hers even though it is her welfare you're concerned about, so save your breath when it comes to reminders and run your own checks regardless.
My shrink always asks me, "Does that belief empower you?" If it gives you satisfaction to think they forget on purpose, go ahead and think that! If it makes you feel unloved and angry to think that, please choose a different explanation. Our life is so hard already. We should try as hard as we can to accept what can't be changed. And the truth is that they don't have the brainpower left to be considerate.
Cultivate serenity because serenity feels SO GOOD!
My mom lives in a senior care facility and last week a man came in a window on the first floor at night and sexually assaulted a woman. When we talked about it at 10 PM that night, when it was on the news, my mom was understandably very concerned about it (she lives on the 4th floor, BTW). By the next day, she'd forgotten about it. She then called me twice about a notice she'd gotten about a community meeting on the subject. She couldn't remember we'd just talked about it a half hour before.
I doubt your aunt is forgetting on purpose, I think their brains at that age just come in and out of clarity, with no rhyme or reason. That's been my experience with my mom anyway. I've "experimented" with drilling her on something to see if she can remember it. She'll remember it for the time we're drilling on it, then 30 minutes later, it's gone. Pffffft.
This doesn't sound too important when it is about the batteries in hearing aid. But imagine how important this becomes when it is about paying bills. The other week he snatched a bill from my hands, with generous intentions to pay it for me. but then he forgot it for two weeks.
That sort of thing makes me nervous. He does it with our tax bills, too! But I have decided that the worst that can happen is that he pays one late and gets the penalty charge. Maybe that will induce him to hand them over.
My husband has Lewy Body Dementia (LBD), which a problem with executive functions, such as making decisions, following instructions. Sometimes he remembers how to do things and sometimes not. I hear it explained that it is like a filing system, where someone came and threw all of the papers in a pile. Sometimes you can find something quickly and sometimes not.
One of the symptoms of LBD is egocentric, being self centered, it's all about them. That sounds very selfish, but when you realize that they are able to control less and less of their body and mind, the rest of the world is not so important.
This has helped me understand and be more compassionate, and it helps me explain LBD to other people. It also helps to think of this, when I get frustrated.
I heard some of the above on videos by Teepa Snow on youtube, and from others along the way.
See All Answers