Being the adult child who has taken on the responsibility of being POA, making so many decisions for our mother in a NH, why am I being given a hard time by some of my sibs? Why can't they realize that I am weighted down with extra responsibility and have freed them up. Paying bills, researching elder law, consulting with attorneys, social workers, etc. all from long distance, not to mention my personal expenses in travel to complete my responsibilities. I love my mother and feel blessed to have the opportunity to support her in this way, so I am not complaining at all. I just am having a difficult time in dealing with my sibs who are so self-centered that they are making things difficult for no apparent reason. Temper tantrums over petty issues that are much to do about nothing, and only serves to make waves. Feeling like I am thrust back to junior high dealing with the mean girls!
Any words of inspiration or advice???
Each of us has our own point of view and given any situation will probably come up with a solution that is different from anyone else facing a similar situation. Your siblings naturally have life long patterns of behavior with you and among each other. During times of stress (sick relative, etc) it may be difficult for them to realize that they must behave more objectively towards your actions because your role as POA is now different from your old role as a sibling. My cousin is being very objective (far too much for my satisfaction) but I respect his point. In the future (beginning now) I am very thoughtfully going to contact him and treat him more like a work colleague when we are working on a task for the 'great uncle project'. For example, I am going to clearly outline tasks that need accomplishing and directly ask him to take a few over. If he declines to do so I will be unhappy but at least i'll know where both he and I stand. I recognize that the stakes are much higher for you and you sibs than for me and my cousin. After your Mother passes on you and your sibs will be left to carry on the family. Perhaps it would be helpful to all of you if you could adopt a professional attitude towards your role of POA and let them know what you are doing. It may give some of them the opportunity to contribute at a level which is comfortable for them (and any legitimate help will be good for you). You'll learn who the self centered ones are pretty quickly if you don't already know. And once this chapter in your life is over you'll have the personal satisfaction of knowing that you did your very best, you will be square with your Mom and God and your sibs will know what you are really made of. Best wishes.
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