My mom in name only was abusive and distant and unloving when we where kids and I have cut her out of my life. I am hearing on the grape vine that she is in poor health and needs looking after. My auntie is looking at me to look after her, but I have told I am not going to and I have no in interest in caring for her for a nano second. I have my own life to lead and I do not want the problem. I told my auntie to find a home for her. She has called me heartless and all the rest. Why do abusive parents think you are obligated to care for them?
If you've cut your mother out of your life & want her to stay out of your life, leave things right where they're at. Let your auntie know your decision and move on with your life now. Nobody can judge YOU until and unless they've worn YOUR shoes.
Good luck!
You are in no obligation to care for Mom. If she needs LTC, your Aunt can turn Moms care over to the State. Things will get done quicker that way.
It's similar to how some people want everything for free.
Plus, they feel, they did it for you, now you help back. They don't understand it's different. It's hard to care for an elder, while caring for your own family. And it gets harder own time.
Tell "Auntie" she is more than welcome to take her sister in, and care for her.
So, you are one of the SMART ones who walked away. GOOD FOR YOU. I hope you have made yourself a quality life. There is no way on earth to make up for what you have missed in a parent, but there is a good way to make FAMILY out of quality people who exist in our world. I am so proud of you. It is no easy task to move out of the target area of these people. It is a habit to believe you are worth nothing but the abuse they level.
If you are of a mind you are free to tell your Mom that you hear she isn't feeling well and you wish her the best. For myself I might choose to stay well out of her aim.
My very best to you. I hope you will stick around on Forum for DAILY we see pleas from caretakers who were abused all their lives and now feel obligated to take care of their abuser. You have broken free. You know how very hard it is and how much hurts still and how easily wounds are reopened.
Again, you should be so proud of yourself. Tell Auntie to go fish.
1. They deny all of it.
2. They shrug and say "well, we did the best we could!".
3. They'll gaslight. "Well if you'd been a better son/daughter, we wouldn't have to have been so hard on you!".
In short, you can't win.
If your aunt is concerned about her sister, then she should get busy and work on placement, etc. You are actually doing them a favor by saying a firm "NO" - that way the situation is clear and they can proceed to find other options.