Is it too much for me to want to breathe fresh air without having to smell my mother's fart every 10min? Or hear the disgusting flabber and embarrassing noises that seem to echo at the speed of light. Or have to endure her trying to get on me for not wanting to be around her because she smells like some toxic gas bomb factory? Or in public, her dropping the worse fart bombs that leaves people in the area believing the National Guard must be trying to kill undercover Costco member terrorist.
Then she wants to cry when I don't want to sit all up under her. I'm a single 40yr old with no children. I do not want to sleep in the bed with her and she acts like because I don't - I must hate her. So, I tell her no ad have explained in the most patient way possible but she doesn't want to understand. She just wants her way. Why do I get blamed for her hang ups when the problem is coming from her?
There are many of us here who come from exceptionally abusive parents, and are now in a caregiving role, or expected to be the caregiver. So we know of what we speak.
The very, very simple answer is to not be there with her. I'm sure it's much more complicated than this. Without any information about your mom's medical situation it's hard to make other recommendations.
Have her see a doctor for the gas, and a geriatric psychiatrist for her mental issues. Gas that bad can come from many different causes. Her diet, her meds, a real medical problem.
Sounds like there's a lot of enmeshed problems that you both need help with.
The first thing I'd do is find somewhere else to live though.
Gosh, talk to your friends about how to handle toddler tantrums, because that is strikingly similar to what you are dealing with. No you don't sleep with her any more than you would a small child. Draw the line there.
On the other hand, the farts are produced by what you eat. Cut back on the beans and onions. Buy some Bean-O or Gas -X.
Put a bay leaf under your arm. It won't stop you from sweating but you will smell like soup. LOL.
You definitely deserve your alone time and I fully understand the farting and burping in public but I have learned to make light of the situation "oh sorry, dad had bean soup for lunch" type comments and have never had anyone be mean or derogatory. Your "me time" is for your sanity, absolutely do not give that up or let your mom make you feel guilty. Hang in there, hopefully it will get better.
Being
Regardless, if there are other family that could be sharing the duties, make it clear you need help. If they can't or won't help, does mom have funds to pay a companion caregiver? Or maybe she would feel less lonely in a senior apartment. I don't know much details about her needs, but obviously youre overburdened by caring for her. One thing is for sure, Change requires Change. You need to make a change.
I do agree there are some other things probably going on for you Fancy..and the GasX and Beano could help with her gastric issues, but there could be a more serious medical problem going on...You are young and it sounds like you are frustrated and maybe a little fearful of losing your own life. I know that is how I felt back when I first started doing this..Heck, I still feel that way at times ..but it also sounds like your Mom just wants to be close to you...Don't give up having time to yourself, but it could be your Mom just loves you so much she wants to be close to you and having you there next to her makes her feel secure....
These next few days will be a break for me though. I'm going to go to the gym and work out, chill at Starbucks, meander in the store without having to rush back. I'm going to talk to perfect strangers and smile. I may even flirt with somebody - LOL!
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