Why do I have to give all my details to get a listing of area housing? Sick of it.

OK so 83 & I’m guessing, she has minimal chronic diseases, like maybe high blood pressure so takes LoSartin, or takes Vitamin D as her thyroid panel is at the edge. So she could easily live another decade. Yeah horrors!! But realistic. Is that the backstory?

If this is her, I’d suggest you look into getting her into board & care home. These cost way less than AL but about IL rates but usually do no shopping trips or doctor visits. It’s residental care & living not nursing oversight living situation. These can kinda be under the radar to find as how they get licensed & regulated vary greatly by state. They are not under set staffing ratios like a NH or AL might be. Usually board & care are 8 - 10/12 same sex residents in a home, 2 to a shared room usually with a jack & jill bathroom between 2 rooms. Think of a college dorm where 4 girls have 2 simple bedrooms, but 1 shared bathroom. Then x2. The owner lives there full time and has staff come in for meals and housekeeping and usually 1 who comes at lights out & stays up all night & sets up breakfast and ends their day. Residents need to be somewhat good on their ADLs as there is not nursing staff or PTs but more like aides to help out during the day.

Your Area on Aging should have a list of local board & care if not a statewide listing.

I looked into a couple for my mom my mom ages ago. For her situation, in her 90s but pretty healthy, living on her own in her home, still driving, doing yard work. She was ideal B&C resident (as she was social, & pretty good on ADLs & being team player not all Queenie type) except I lived state’s away and there was no local family or friends truly dependable to cover what B&C didn’t. Like scheduling & taking to medical appointments or shopping or to beauty shoppe, or out to visit friends or to church, etc. The B&C didn’t do this, it was local family who came & got their mom /aunt out for appointments. So for my mom, IL was better choice as in addition to meals & housekeeping, had field trips, shopping runs and ability to schedule medical transportation plus the MD from the adjacent AL or NH could be brought over in a pinch (this billed to Medicare and their secondary insurance needed to be one that the medical director was a participating provider with, my mom was BCBS so ok). All included in IL rent. Was better option for us.

B&Cs I looked at were about the same costs as IL but lots more 1-on-1 for daily living type of routine aging in place type of care, but family had to be there to do what they didn’t. B&C would do “medication management” if the RXs or OTC stuff was simple pill taking. No insulin shots or drugs that have serious warnings (Fentanyl).

I understand your predicament..... your mom’s paying for stuff she isn’t using. Towards the end of my mom’s living in IL, she stopped going on excursions, or on site activities, missed some meals & had them brought to her apt (which was extra cost), stopped doing her laundry as needed. BUT Still good on ADLs, meds & getting bathed & dressed appropriately & nailed it on fire drills. Then some late nite crusing hallways & missing medications started. I got her moved from IL to NH bypassed AL phase. Took abt 6 mos of MD visits to establish need for skilled nursing care but she was in her 90’s. Your mom’s way younger.

You may want as a starting point to have your mom get a care plan evaluation done to make sure that she’s likely to be independent enough for say another 2/2.5. years so good for B&C home rather than need AL or NH. & outside the Medicaid transfer penalty you know exists. You don’t want to move her only to find out 5 mos from now they need her out & she doesn’t yet have Medicaid LTC as an option.

As an aside, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s the backstory on the Medicaid penalty you know is out there?

I understand how you feel about giving out your personal information to anyone from an agency who asks for it. In trying to find assistance, I had to do that too. And then was turned down every time. It’s frustrating and annoying and fruitless.

Step back for a moment and think carefully about where you think or predict Mom might be in a few years. It sounds like she has some cognitive issues. If it’s dementia, and even if it’s not, it will not get better. Speak with your local Medicaid office and see if you have any alternatives regarding waiting a few years to clear the look back.

If you do not have Power of Attorney for her, you need to get it now. If she has a hoarding problem, she should not have access to Amazon. I would also check out Care.com or indeed.com and find a personal companion for her for her errands and possible trips to daycare, etc. and, if she hasn’t been checked out by her doctor lately, she needs to go to be evaluated for dementia and possibly depression.

Enter "CFRE" board and care homes to research on your own.

Believe me, I know its frustrating. Especially trying to work. My Mom allowed my nephew to move in with her back in 2008. He has a neurological problem that keeps him from reasoning correctly. Mom was 80 and believed him over me! Me being 60 him being 18. I realized as time went on and other things like short term memory loss became a factor, Mom had been in early stages of Dementia.

You may be expecting too much from Mom. Even if not early signs of Dementia there maybe some age decline. A good full physical would be good. Mentally and physically. I had a very simple cell phone. You pushed a button for on and the same button for off. My Mom just never got the hang of it.

You don't have to answer, but why do u have to wait 5 yrs to get beyond the Medicaid lookback? Did Mom give away a large amount of money or sell a house under market value? Unless Mom declines quickly, she doesn't seem to fit the criteria neededfor Medicaid to pay for her care in a LTC facility. Medicaid doesn't usually pay for ALs. (Some states have wavers) In my state, you have to private pay at least two yrs before Medicaid will pay and that is only if the facility hasn't gotten to the % of residents on Medicaid they allow.

I have gone around looking for housing for my nephew. Not once did I have to give out any personal info other than what his disabilities were. Only if he planned on applying was personal info needed.

Have u tried a realtor? Maybe they can research for you. Like with my nephew, you need to know his age and income, to see what he can afford. And he is physically disabled. We have a Senior Hudd apartment that is very nice. They require 30% of ur income. They will take disabled people under 62 but...a 62 year old is considered over him. Now, we have a number of 55 and up near us, but they will not take him. These are low income apts.

Your local Office of Aging maybe able to help. They may have transportation available and other resources. Independent living or an Assisted Living. I ask because I have never heard of an independent living not being like an apartment. And, that people enter her space enough to know that she is messy.

Yes, the FIRST question with anyone helping you to seek care is what her finances are. I was appalled at first, but thinking back on it, it does make a kind of sense to me that this is needed. I wish I could give you wonderful advice, but I sit here just being amazing at all your are currently negotiating, how smart you are, how much you are doing. I think you might be able to TEACH a class. Wish I had a clue what else you could do, but you sound so savvy on the facts of this elder care life I think we all just want to ask YOU what to do. Wishing you so much luck, and if you are still working, I honestly cannot imagine all you are going through. My fear with the renting a place and having daily care is that it may not, in future, be enough, as these things often become worse to deal with, not easier. Keep us posted, will you? And do remember, half of us here wish we were as smart, capable and resilient as you currently are. Vent all you want!

Alva, I’m well aware of “look-back” & transfer penalty equations.
My ? to the OP, dunazee, was if they didn’t mind sharing just what was the situation that would - in their belief - cause a transfer penalty. Like if it was a real property transfer - like a house gifted for zero to someone - or if it was $ given outright, or $ left but no documentation, or if there was a perhaps coercion situation.

Transfer penalties are not, imho, not a 1 size fits all as each state sets its administration of Medicaid uniquely and within that each state sets its own room & board daily rate which is central to the penalty placed. Penalties can be waived. Real property value if it’s a FMV transfer penalty issue can be determined in more than just the way Medicaid might look at it. Ownership can be changed back.
I’m just curious as to what impropriety was done that p Dunazee was basing the 2 yr point on for getting beyond for look-back on.