I have never been able to do anything right for my mom all my life so when she had her strokes out of 7 kids I became the one to take care of her. I was so scared but I tried to take that moment and try to rekindle our relationship as a mother and daughter. But after she got to feeling better she went back to the hate for me. Treating me bad and it really hurts me. The things she says to me don't bother her. Some days I say I'm gonna treat her like she treats me about a hour and I just cant do it. I guess I love her more. And the things I do for her out of love she sees as pity. I don't know what to do.
To make things worse my husband has Parkinsons and fell and broke his hip a week after mom - his Parkinson's progressed immediately and his dimentia is unmanagable for me at home so he is in the same facility. About a week ago he started talking horrible to me - accuses me of having a boyfriend, going out when I leave seeing him on my daily visit, telling me that we are getting a divorce, to quit stalking him, leave him alone, etc. etc.
Makes going to see them everyday very stressful and depressing.
For me understanding that my father had emotional issues from his abusive/neglectful childhood that resurfaced with his dementia made it a bit easier for me to cope with the hateful words. Some of them still hurt but a lot of them I can ignore now. Dad is so different now - cussing and abusive language is the norm when until the TIAs I could count on my fingers the number of times I had heard something like that from him.
Never believe that you deserve the abusive language. Your LO may not be able control herself much anymore and its very difficult to cope with, but that doesn't diminish your loving care.
Hugs.