Father in law sits in a recliner and husband in his recliner facing the tv with non stop football games or sports and my back is to bad to sit on the couch and no room for my recliner so it got moved upstairs to my bedroom. It stinks in the living room as the non stop gas is horrible. I go to use the restroom and it is so gross with do do on the toilet seat or p on the floor so I bought a lowes bucket with a seat and go upstairs in my bedroom where I stay most of the time. my friend watched him so we can get out but he is a don juan and grabs all the women. i want him out but husband won't put him in nursing home and i can't stomach the grossness to be honest. my husband takes 2000 a month for expenses from his dads account which just covers his dad's expenses...every single day his dad demands to be taken out and entertained. my husband is retired and his income is 2600 a month. sadly..my income is only 800 so it sure isn't enough to live on as I am on disability but considering moving out. i cant remain a prisoner in my little bedroom day and night...it is horrible and i am miserable. i don't know what to do. what would you do???
Good luck.
check. Vacation, Pat:) Good luck, dear one. Love, Christina
good luck
I apologize for offending you with my terminology.
Regards,
Christina
You can please some of the people some of the time ...
Hon, start looking into another living arrangement NOW: get a roommate, live with family or friends temporarily, get a part-time job to help you with costs, look into government subsidized housing, etc.
Just reading about your living conditions makes me sad.....
The idea of being a good caregiver takes on many forms. For some parents, living with family is the best choice. For others who need more care than a family can provide or wish to live an independant life, a nice ALF, group, home etc. is the most appropriate and healthy choice. Each situation is different. To characterize a different placement as "putting someone away" is neither fair nor respectful.
goincrazy's Hub does not deserve "kudos" nor is he "doing the right thing" his WIFE is. The boys have a built in servant, who is not well herself. This is not the correct placement for this man. He is not taking care of his personal needs and the hub is not pitching in to help. A DIL should not have to care for her FIL in this way.
We all know how overwhelming caregiving can be - especially when we have no one else to turn to....that is why this forum is a safe haven for us all.
We all wish Pat the best solution to her dilemna and the best living environment for her FIL. And the hub needs to get off his duff.....Lilli
Goingcrazy, where is you MIL? Where was dad before and why did he land at your doorstep?
My gut feeling is that dad is an old-school type that knows that women are less than men. Heaton is spot on that he views her as a servant. Dad is probably a bully and rather than stand up to him, hubby gets on Dad's side and let's him be a bully to his DIL rather than incurring his wrath.
The fact that she is using a toilet seat with a bucket from Lowe's because they leave the bathroom too disgusting and do nothing to help or clean is totally reprehensible. They know this is happening and it's "so what".
GoingCrazy alot of this really truly needs to be what you want your future life to be.
If you really want to be with you hubby then do what you can to have him see what is happening and that it needs to change. But if it is the case that you are with him (not just now that Dad is there but before when it was just the two of you) because you feel trapped by your limited income, that is a whole different thing. I mention this because you so clearly stated your financial predicament. If you have been married more than 10 years, and you are 62 then you can apply for Social Security based on HIS earnings not yours. So that plus your 800 in disability, could provide a good amount of stable income if you really need to leave him. Only you can look into yourself to know what you really need to do.
None of this is easy. Good Luck.
Please don't refrain from posting. Your thoughts are valuable, too. Perhaps, though, you can double-check that they come across they way you really mean them. If they come across as critical of people who don't make the same decisions you make, expect some comments about that.
Now you can have your married life back, your FIL will get the care he needs, and your hub can go back to being the son rather than the servant. A win-win situation!
But all kidding aside - its a good thing you finally did find a workable option because no one can constantly live and have any kind of health with fecal contamination of their home, no reasonable way to keep it cleaned, and a prisoner in the only corner of it they can begin to control. If its too late for limit setting, or for getting any cooperation with dietary changes or behaviors that would improve the condition, don't keep trying to tolerate the intolerable.
Love and Blessings,
Christina
am so glad to hear your husband is willing to fix this , terrible to throw away many years of marriages , be a wasteful ,
keep in touch . xoxo