Husband is 88 years old and has never been hospitalized until the last year. He has been hospitalized 3 times; each time, during recovery, he is mean and lashes out verbally to wife. He also is now incontinent and needs lots of help moving around. He is not short-tempered with anyone other than his wife.
This is certainly not fair, but sometimes it is the spouse (or the primary caregiver) who gets the brunt of the loved one's poor behavior.
How can a wife deal with this unfair treatment? Assure him often that she loves him and will stick by him throughout his illness. Sympathize with his complaints (not about her, but about his condition). Realize that it is his illness that is behind these outbursts, not his true feelings for her.
Also she can remove herself from the situation when he is being "mean." "I see that you are upset right now, dear. I'll come back in a little while and see if you are feeling calmer." Just because he is miserable and she loves him doesn't mean she has to subject herself to verbal abuse.
I hope this couple has sufficient in-home help that the full burden of care is not falling on the wife's shoulders. She should be there for him emotionally, but someone else should provide the physical care.