She is a stubborn and proud woman. No one knows her business and she won’t open up to anyone. She rarely leaves her apartment and relies on her 80 year old friend to shop for food every couple of weeks. We live 600 miles away. We don’t know her financial situation but suspect she lives month to month. She is too stubborn to accept help and should not be living alone. What options do we have?
It is kind of you to take an interest. What specific kind of help do you think she needs? How do you know?
We tried to pay for Life Alert and Meals-On-Wheels... she refuses. She was sent a Jitterbug cell phone (she sent it back). I THINK we’ve talked her into letting us pay for a cleaning service.
We know this because we do occasional visit her and frequently talk to her and her friend.
My wife and I are not spring chickens and absolutely respect her desire to live independently, but are concern about her. My mother lived alone and fell while getting into a bath tub. She lay on the floor (naked) for at least three days before she was found. She never regained consciousness.
Her quality of life can be so much better... she is family... we just don’t know how to help.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things trying to support her independence. Why won't she accept meals on wheels, for example? Why won't she accept a simple cell phone? Is it that she won't take "charity" or that she is in denial about her limitations, or what?
She has already lived longer than the life expectancy for her generation. She seems content to continue as she is. I can understand why that bothers you -- it would bother me, too -- but it is her life and her choice.
Would it ease you mind a bit if you called her everyday? If she doesn't answer, call her friend or call the police for a wellness check?
While reading this it reminded of my MIL and her SIL who were pretty much the same age. My MIL said to her SIL " F I am 80 yrs old today" F, who was in her early 90s responded "Oh, to be 80 again. I could do so much more then".