I live with my mother and am her sole caregiver. I have been taking care of her for at least 8 years now and never really thought about my future until recently. Now that she is almost 90 and her house is in reverse mortgage, my main concerns are what am I going to do if her Dementia progresses to where she doesn't recognize me and what memory care facilities are out there that won't cost $7,000 dollars a month? She has outlived all of her assets and only receives a small pension from my deceased father. After contemplating these thoughts, my mind races to where I am going once all of this comes to some type of closure. I haven't been able to work for years due to caring for her and my work skills are surely at a minimum at this time and does age discrimination truly exist out there in the working world? If I could just find peace in all of this and have some sort of plan for the future, I think I would feel better. Currently taking anti-depressant meds and anxiety meds to alleviate stress however, it never truly goes away. I do have a strong faith in God and a small widows pension coming in monthly but not enough to cover everything. Anyone else out there in similar circumstances? God bless you.
So so there are no later issues (like with Medicaid should mom need to go into a facility), all this needs to be above board. Mom pays you, w2, w9, i9 done, taxes paid and it builds up your own SS credits for when you retire. An attorney needs to draw this up, and mom pay for all legal. Use the visit to update all of mom's other legal as week.
You can make all this simpler by putting together a "face sheet" on mom. She just got her awards letters from SS and any retirement back in Dec and her tax info last month - so you have these to figure out the hard figure mom has for income. Then carefully review all your expenses. Whatever is extra is probably what she can pay you each month. Home health fees are about $ 20 hr with 4 hr a day/3 day a week minimum, so $ 240 a week/ $ 960 a month is probably fair. The attorney will know what your community standards are for paying for care.
Now if you find that realistically there is just no $ to pay, you may have to make some hard choices. You need mom to live as long as possible as her income is enabling both of you to be together - this is just such a tough situation to be in. Could the two of you sell the house or turn it over to the RM/HUD and move into subsidized housing? I think this is one of the hardest situations for caregivers to find themselves in but based on how often it comes up on this site, is pretty common. If your income is limited as well, subsidized housing together or in the same location but different apt could be a way to transition away from your current situation to living with less stress and costs for both of you.
All cities has Agencies on Aging - they are clearinghouses for informations & co-ordination federal programs, grants and other funding for seniors. The AoA are the entity that are paid to be ombudsman for CMS and NH in your state - & that is just once source of AoA funding.. They are within your Council of Governments which are regional planning bodies and paid for by your tax dollars, so use them. I'd contact the one in your area and go schedule a visit to see what housing options may be in your city. This site has a link to the AOA by state, so try that first. Good luck and let us know what you find out. We all learn from each other.
I suspect that your skills are many - care giving, cooking, cleaning, bathing, etc.
Is it possible to sell the house, for more than the reverse mortgage is? My SIL did alright, now that the market is up, a bit.
Your mom will probably qualify for medicaid. She is not the first person to run into financial problems. Can you start downsizing and selling stuff, or would your mother object? (My mother is 95 and her house has sat intact, for 2 years.)