Would anyone be willing to share experiences of costs you may have caring for elderly parent(s).

Back story-until almost two years ago, my brother and I gave care as needed for our parents in rural area. For me that included lots of travel expenses and being away from my family in another state, often over half of each of the past 10 years.

Alzheimer’s became a safety issue for Mom. She experienced falls two times in one week. At ER they had to report me to State Adult Svcs. for neglect of care. I had to deal with County Prosecutor to avoid charging me unless I’d put mom in memory care NH and payment was up to us as folks had an asset but no $. We always deferred to Dad as he thought he was in charge to keep her as well as him to live at home. However hospital knew we kids were Mom’s POA. So I was forced to put her in NH. Causing big upheaval in family because of expense and override of Dad’s power.

After paying up to $9500/mo. at NH for about 16/mo., my father had to be admitted as well. The care was poor to awful particularly for my father who had Post Polio issue. So then for 6 mo. costs became closer to $19,000/mo. Though Brother & I didn’t have that kind of $ nor did my parents, they did own their land that they’d made a living on since 1959 so we had to sell land though it had been leased to my brother to be able to make a living ranching and live nearby to watch over folks since 2007.

We knew that neither parent was getting care worth the money we were paying.

I should add that neither my brother nor I could move our parents into living with us and have us do the 24/hr. care as we either are still working or homes aren’t set up or big enough. Plus until a short time ago my husband and I also have both of his parents and live in another state. Parents are all in mid to late 90’s and we are in 70’s.

So one year ago I rented a house in a town 70 miles away from my brother in another state where doctors and hospital are available. The ranch location was too remote and not even home health care Svcs. through Medicare nor Hospice Svcs., could serve.

By renting a perfect house (not new nor grand), we’ve met all caregiving needs. With walk-in bath/shower and no stairs or steps in or out of house and bedrooms big enough for equipment needs plus bedrooms for over night nurses and me when I live here to oversee parents medical and hospital POA needs.

In this small town, I could arrange in-home health care services through a nationwide agency of private caregivers which can live in a home day and night and who are fabulous, experienced and reliable caregivers. Cost of $17,500/mo. This was totally awesome and less than NH. Original cost was for both parents but Dad passed away a short time ago. I’ve lost his LT nursing insurance and cost remaining same for Mom. We still have one caregiver at a time.

I must continue to exhaust all of Mom’s assets before Medicaid will cover and then she will have to go to awful NH. We don’t ever want to see Mom in a NH. We could stretch $ if we put her in NH but back to poor care then and it is sad how poorly staffed and qualified few caregivers are. Nights had as few as 3/102 beds.

Just curious, what others have paid for good care and how much of parents assets they see vanish. In my case between January 2016 and now, not including my brother and my family’s expenses, over $400,000 has been spent.

My story, like all of yours, didn’t even touch the Alzheimer’s challenges nor crippling polio nor family dynamics, lost personal wages, and going without sleep, that gets to be so tense. So far both my husband and I have been with our fathers at home, holding their frail bodies as each passed away. I’m glad we have been beside them giving them wonderful kind care at home to the end. It costs a small fortune for sure.