I have been my mothers caretaker for about 8 years now and since November her health has really declined. she is a 4 time stroke survivor with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, kidney failure, and congestive heart failure and on top of that has psuedobulbar affect. In November we found out she had CHF and had been maintaining it well. well Feb 3 she end up in the hospital for 10 days then went to rehab for 5 days, then 15 days back in the hospital, 8 days in skilled nursing, 25 days back in the hospital, 10 days home, and now 24 days and counting back in the hospital, its starting to take a toll on me, i basically live everywhere she is at i never leave her side unless i need to go home and shower, so i am usually with her 18- 22 hrs a day, i had a breaking point the other day when i almost snapped, they taken her off her PBA meds and all she did was cry for 3 days straight no sleeping (she doesnt sleep neither do i) just crying, i timed her episodes for crying and she would only stop for 30 sec - 50 sec. i my self started to cry, and i couldn't stop, i have never had this happen to me, but i waned to smother her with a pillow and i caught my snap and realized that i was thinking like a crazy person and stepped out the room and went out side for fresh air, later that day i called my dad to stay with my mom and i went home and balled like a baby that i would ever think something like that, the guilt is just eating at me, at that point i realized i need help, i have a appointment for June 2 with a psychiatrist, but that's still 2 weeks away, please tell me if something like this is "normal" and how do i keep sane before then, and i am so afraid to tell the Dr, i don't want them to take my mom away or keep me away from her, that was just a moment of weakness, tbh idk what to do, i am so stressed out, and loosing time, and memory.
Is your dad still capable? I would let him take over things with your mother until you are less stressed. I have the feeling that you are expecting too much of yourself when it comes to caring for your mother. You are probably expecting more of you than anyone else is expecting of you. We can only give so much. We may feel like we want to do more, but there is an internal part of us that will sound the alarm when we neglect ourselves too long. It sounds like your internal alarm is letting you know to stop and get some rest. I hope you listen to the alarm and take better care of yourself.
JessieBelle, my dad works everyday long hours, cause insurance isn't covering everything, so he comes to the hospital at 8 pm and leaves at 11 pm. and if he doesn't work weekends he is there helping me out, he is the only one. i have two brothers but neither of them care, if it was up to one of my brothers he would leave my mom at home to rot, he wouldn't clean her he would just let her soak in her own fluids and and just leave her there, he already says mom is old she needs to die already. and my other brother has this WITCH of a wive. i guess she has him whipped, when i talk to him he looks at her and waits for her to answer for him, all we do is fight, i keep telling him that if any thing happens to mom that he was the one that is going to be living with the guilt and fighting with his wive not me that i know i did everything i could for her. And yes i do get that the feeling that i am expecting too much from my self, it is as if u where in my mind when u wrote that i started to cry, i couldn't help it.
ilovemom, a caseworker nurse came into today to talk to me about my mom being d/c and mentions something about hospice, she said she was going to talk to my dr and come back tomorrow to let me know more about hospice, because i don't know what is it exactly