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Who has done this and can you give first hand experience? I've thought about it but my mom has refused to talk to any help in the past (meals on wheels, elder care mgr, etc). She fired in-home care after 3 weeks and refuses all help or assistance. She refuses AL. I wonder what will happen with APS if they were called in, will they help as in consult or will this turn into fiasco where we might lose all autonomy to have input on care plan?

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Before calling them in I would ask around and see if they are any good. I posed this question before and it seemed that people has a wide range of experiences. I called them in for my aunt and it has been a fiasco. They violated my request for anonymity and have given my aunt a cursory evaluation of mental competancen whch she passed. am sure the next day she will forget it even happened. End result is she is not speaking to me and has legally removed me from all her legal documents so I have no idea what is going on. I have heard of other agencies that did a really good job so I think it really depends on where you live.
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My mother in law put herself in a nursing home, knowing she needed help and her husband could not help her. She is 88 his is 96. He stayed home alone for a week. I would go to their home and fix him meals, as he could not swallow. He had to have everything ground up. Long story short, my mother in law was worried about him, and asked the social workers to check on him. When they came to the home, he was cordial, and said he was fine, no need to look in on him. I was in the kitchen while this conversation took place. Then they wanted to see something or other, he had to go to his bedroom to get it. In his rush to get the item requested, he fell. And the social workers told him, by law, they could not let him get up or help him. They called 911, he was transported to the hospital, and then admitted to the same nursing home as his wife. This was September 2012. And we lived in Maryland.
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You can call your local agency, and ask them what their protocols are, without actually initiating an inquiry. You can tell them straight out that you want to inform yourself how it works and NOT give your name or your mother's name. It will help you feel more informed, and ready for when it's necessary and potentially helpful. RIght now it sounds more like your mom is in a phase where she's resisting transitioning to more help. APS won't come in and fix that until the need is so severe that she loses all autonomy. In other words, when she needs it that badly she may also be past resisting, but while she's busy resisting and essentially functional (in the most basic ways) nobody can really successfully push her. By the way "resisting" is a negative way to put it. She's fighting for her life, her autonomy, her independence. You gotta understand and even admire that, even while it creates other problems.
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If she is competent and is taking care of her own needs you can't force her to do anything. I would be careful with this one, social workers can turn the tables on you in a heart beat, once you are in the system you will be monitored for your motives and potential abuses. You can always do research about this and I am sure it will be laid out for you to see and read.
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Just have the Love one help and that will be it.
Also the Lord will be with you at all time
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Be careful because if you do not have all the documents in order then they could cause her to sell her home and more.

Who has the medical POA? Does anyone have a POA? The fact is you do not want social workers involved if you do not have your ducks in a row, your mom could lose everything.

Be careful with this one. I am not a fan of social workers at all.
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I have had experience with APS in Texas regarding my father. He is 74 and was resistant to leaving his home. He wound up in diabetic shock as he didn't take his insulin. He fell repeatedly because every time he stood up, he was dizzy. Family that lived nearby kept asking if he wanted to go to the hospital. Of course, he said no. I finally intervened and told them to take him anyway. His blood sugar was +700 !!

I was repeatedly told by others that unless HE wanted to be in a NH that I could not make him go and he was free to leave if he wanted at any time. I had drs telling me he couldn't be alone and we could not afford anyone to come in home. I even had a nurse at a behavioral health wing of the hospital tell me this: people think you can just drop someone off at a nursing home but this simply isn't true. The law states that you cannot force someone to go into a nursing home or AL. I was so frustrated because my father was resistant to even being in the hospital even though he was bruised all over his body from falling and trying to get himself up. He had scrapes and carpet burns. My saving grace was adult protective services whom someone had called anonymously (most likely one of his doctors). They called me and said that he could no longer be allowed to live alone and needed to have his meds given each day. They left it up to me as to how to do that but they made it clear that if I did not take care of him that I would be considered to be committing elder abuse and would be liable. APS had my father evaluated by the drs on staff at the behavioral health center and declared him incompetent. This then put him under my authority because of the medical POA. I was able to place him in a NH near me. He continually asks to leave but I don't have to worry that he is lying around on the floor anymore- YAY! The nurse that kept telling me that didn't say much after that. APS were the ones that stepped in and saved the day. If this hadn't happened I was looking a costly competency hearing with lawyers fees etc. I did not get DPOA until later after he got into the NH. I was so grateful for APS but that is because they assisted me in something I was already trying to do. If you aren't prepared for that it could turn out differently because they would force you to do something you hadn't planned on but for me they were an answer to prayer. hope this helps. best of luck to you.
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Yes, I think dealings with APS are the proverbial double edged sword. It can be good and helpful...or catastrophic and traumatic.

Good advice given already. Get your ducks in a row for sure. Read up on your area's APS website about what they look for and what constitutes elder abuse. Elder abuse is what they are intended to focus on and while this involves a patient's safety, the investigation is centered upon both the elder and their caregiver(s).

And if you do decide to call in anonymously but are the primary caregiver, be very aware that YOU will be under very close scrutiny thereafter.

I am going through this right now and I'll give details shortly, Right now my step daughter from my first marriage is on her way over to help me change my mom. She just became an RN, too, and we are still close and good friends. I am grateful for her help!

But one more thing to add right now: it depends a lot on the caseworker assigned, I think, as to how much help or interference or even misinterpretation you have in dealings with APS. Don't think of them as an ally, though, unless they become that on their own. Otherwise, regard them warily as they are looking for any sign that the elder is being abused or neglected which implicates the caregiver.
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Instead of getting APS involved call your Office of the ageing or socoal services and tell them what is going on with the elder and see what they say and ask how they can help-in our county we have a ARE YOU OK program an elder living alone get a phone call at the time they wish and if they do not answer the phone there is a proceedure put in place for someone to go to their home and check-the elders who are transported to our senior center by bus have submitted a contact person who is called if the elder does not come out of the house to get on the bus-lives have been saved one man fell in his bathtub and another lady fell and in both cases the bus drivers saved their lives.
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Unfortunately stubborn lasts a lot longer than logic! Best of luck with your Dad. Just FYI, don't volunteer anything beyond the vaguest hints about his finances if he is well-off. Made that mistake, & all of a sudden the APS worker knew of this "great" private conservator & was cool toward me doing it (she was pushing for me to take charge when she thought he was broke...). Just sayin'.
If you are family, have a plan, and have not been taking money from him(and have no felonies, drug convictions, etc) APS should be helping you take control if your Dad is fighting it.
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My attorney suggested we call IHSS in California to do an independent evaluation. I have been reported to Adult Protective Services three times (twice by my brother, who never does anything with our Mom or for her). I was a nervous wreck when he did it because he was trying to get back at me. The other times (and even the last), I've found Adult Protective Services case workers to be very compassionate, and they have even given me written information to assist me with some things. Tell them your Mom is refusing assistance and you are very worried about her. There is also the Council on Aging, who also can help you. Good luck. I know first-hand how difficult this all is. But you've got to put your foot down with your Mom. She is unwilling to accept help. That is on her, not you.
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All, thank you all. I'm very grateful for the validation of what I "already suspected" with APS. My gut is that with our local APS in her area they wouldn't be of help. I had already contacted and visited senior resources and area office on aging. They gave me similar advice as offered here -- based on experiences I've had from the hospitals to drs, to police, case workers etc, I honestly feel it would be a nightmare and fiasco and not anything like what I was hoping or that would benefit my mom. Many of you have warned of just that.

Again many thanks!
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just a quick note; i don't live near my parents, but i've always handled their problems. my father would come home from rehab; i'd hire someone; he'd go crazy; the person would quit; or..my father would threaten them, and then it would be my mom taking care of him. after a day or two, he wouldn't be happy with her care, and he would call the police. he would mess the home; run outside in underwear, throw feces..etc...i would spend hours on the phone with aps, who didn't want to get involved. we live in ny state. i finally called the governor's help line. she tried to help, but as long as my mom took him back, they said they couldn't do anything. this is a man who can't take care of himself, can't take his meds...etc...but of course, the psych always told his he was fine. right now he is in assisted living. as a disabled veteran, he is entitled to free care, but he refuses..he'd rather spend the money. i have stepped away, he never loved me anyway..and it's well known. any decisions i have ever made were questioned, and i do not have power of attorney. i am the black sheep, outsider..and that's ok. i am sad for all of us..trying to do our best...but........marylee
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Sunflo2- You do not mention is your mother incompetent? There is really nothing anyone can do if she is able to manage on her own. If her doctor signs a letter stating she should be in a facility, then you could contact APS, but then they are going to turn it back to the family for a family member to assume guardianship/conservatorship. Be sure you are prepared for that responsibility.
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with my family, my mom is able to take care of herself. i know she is beginning to have more problems; when i visited, she was low on pills, which i take care of. i found her doctors, she doesn't like them. i try to help as much as i can. i live 21/2 hours away; my brother lives 10 minutes away, and my sister 40 minutes. i am a brain surgery survivor, with other ailments...but i do try to help. i am praying for answers. as aps said...no one can force anyone to do anything. we as the adults, just have to pray and help when we can. when my mom kept taking my father back, i finally told her; if you take him back again, when the police call, i will not answer the phone. you've enabled my father for 54 years, and i have too many problems to try and help but yet feel helpless. i hope this makes sense. by distancing my self from my father, i've had peace. i am going to try and call him again, but i pray God give me strength for the assault that is certain to come.
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i hate to read what i wrote..please excuse grammar and typos.....
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oh my goodness...what a wrote sounds terrible. i have offered that my mom live here; i have a nice sunny basement apartment; she doesn't want to come. i understand that; she's not easy to live with; well set in her ways. i call her several times a day, and do make any calls i feel are needed....it's so difficult..for them and for us.....
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Ferris, no I haven't been successful getting drs to officially declare her incompetent even though they have written that she needs assistance. The one behavioral center psychiatrist said she needed 24/7 care but wouldn't back up with formal declaration of incompetence which I needed to invoke the DPOA.

All in all amazingly she is mostly good and managing. IMO it could be better and I would love her to have better quality of life, but she insists she likes things they way they are and adamantly tells me to stay out of her business. She writes checks and basically appears to manage her affairs. Sometimes she is crazy talk on the phone or when I visit and that is when I panic and want to call APS. Her primary care physician sympathizes with me but says at this point we have to wait til next imminent event health, police, or otherwise and he will write letter then. So at this point I sit tight.

I always envisioned APS as being a help and I think they are for some cases, especially for children...but not so much for elderly unless there is abuse, or blatant disorder in the living conditions.

So I remind myself that I am respecting her rights even if it is not "my way". PS I live 6 hrs away and work full time in a travel job. My sib has chosen to be out of the picture though he emotionally supports me and is a loving brother. He advises against APS.
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Sunflo2-Then all you can do is wait...I suggest you take a different path, and encourage your mother to live alone, tell her you will be busy with your travelling job and she has to manage on her own. She might be like my cat. Won't come inside at night at my urging, but will come in on her own...Best wishes.
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I just completed my experience with APS. Though her attorney, cpa (now POA), banker, former attorney, the police and APS all agree that her caregivers have unduly influenced her and taken too much money they all agree that there is nothing they can do as long as she says she authorized the payments (comes to 125,000 a year for part time companionship). It is apparently someone else's call to make but not sure who they all think is left. I feel like I have done all that I could possibly do to protect her interests and I have failed and she is not speaking to my sister or I. What a mess!
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everyone should be careful if the elder has assets. i still insist that hospice gets cash kickbacks from facilities for forcing the placement of seniors and the whole dam town justice system might conspire to overtake the elders finances. im a criminal if my mom pays 450.00 worth of bills for me each month but a public conservator is perfectly legit in charging 150.00 an hour. my last couple of dealings with the justice system were fair, i have no complaints but there werent assets involved. if youve done nothing shady you may still have to mortgage your house to defend yourself. i trust and respect the judicial system until money is involved.
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I live in California and I have called Adult Protective Services twice. Each county handles these situations differently so it would be wise to find out how your county handled cases in the past. I had/have two loved elderly family members with Dementia, each who lived in different counties. One county was aggressive and wanted to help when my family refused all medical help while the other county stated they can only step in when a person is willing to accept the help. In my later situation I have Adult Protective Services, the Public Guardian of the court, the Chief of Police involved. All agencies are bound by a different set of rules and sometimes people who need help, but refuse, fall between the cracks. Finally, my father hurt someone so the police 5150 him so he was forced to the hospital for a complete medical exam, which placed him on a 72 hours hold. Our government agencies are understaffed and overworked and they rather not be responsible for another person if there is a willing family member to assist. Therefore, when it was found my father was in the final stages of Dementia and completely incompetent I was able to get him into a nice facility that was a good fit for him. He is on the right medication to address his aggression and agitation. My father has been in his new facility for three weeks and likes it. In the ending stages it is too difficult for them to do the simplest tasks, but they still fight for their independence. My father's life is much easier on him now and he is doing so much better.
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When my mother's dr. told us mom could not live alone anymore, he legally has to report that to the state which he did. Mom has Alzheimer's, couldn't take care of herself as well as she use to, she wasn't eating regularly.APS came by my mother's house, we don't know if they actually talked with mom or not, but mom gave my sister a business card she said she found on the door. A month later I got a call from APS, said they were following up after visiting my mother and wanted to know what I was doing to help my mother.I told the woman that we were waiting to get the results from a neurologist because my sister and I can't make decisions for our mother until she has been diagnosed as mentally incapacitated, that is how her attorney wrote the DPOA. She said you are doing everything right, just continue to keep a close check on your mother until you get the results and I will not be following up on this case again since your mother has an attorney and you have a DPOA that you can use once a diagnosis is made. I live in Ca., and this happened back in March. Mom is now living in assisted living participates in the memory care program everyday.
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