I've had to help my mom out for over a decade. She hurt her ankle when I graduated high school and has had mobility problems ever since. She's 5 years removed from a cancer diagnosis and almost 3 and a half years removed from finishing the cancer treatments and she's still recovering from the effects of the treatments. She had another ankle injury during the treatments and has been immobile ever since.
She's currently 70 and I'm 29.
I just hope some employer will give me a chance at this point. The ever increasing caregiver gap has done my resume zero favors. I REFUSE to take up any caregiving or nursing-type jobs. I'm a man and women are the ones who are interested in, are wired for, and work those types of jobs.
I would love to have extra help, but she's scared whoever is here will steal her things.
It was two ankle injuries too many, but both of them were freak injuries. A couple of broken bones.
A hurt ankle should not leave someone so debilitated. She doesn’t want to recover or get some mobility because she has you to wait on her. Since you refuse to consider anything suggested here, accept that this is how it’s always going to be. Nothing will change unless you change it.
It's not the ankle. It's her recovering from cancer treatments. Plus, she's paranoid and stubborn. A combo like that is a recipe for disaster.
Your life is far more important at this time. You need to take care of yourself and your future. I did it with my LO, people will look at you as you are a monster, then will try and guilt trip you into doing more. Reality is you cannot give up your future for someone who has no future. Your mother has no future, she is old, she is going to die. That is what she has to look forward to. You still have a future live towards it.
We had some snow storms pass through on a couple of occasions in the past year. Both times, she told me not to get out in it. I remember thinking "I've given up my life for you. I have no social life and I'm hardly out of the house. Just let me have some fun." I wasn't going to do anything that would put me at risk of getting hurt.
She's immobile. I have to prepare all the food and take it, her vitamins, drinks, and other things to her. She can't get out of bed and in her wheelchair by herself. I have to lift her on and off of things.
Paranoia and stubbornness combined are a recipe for disaster.
The energy in our home has changed as well, everyone is more peaceful, calm and I feel ready to face life challenges a little more readily then I did a year ago, and I feel that coming on more and more with each day that passes. The severing of ties is HARD. It was incredibly difficult for me to see my 5 year old cry at the thought of his Lola (“grandmother” in Tagalog) not be in our house all the time. However, now, they are so excited to come over to Lola’s apartment, she is excited to see them, and we come over to her house to have dinner once a week. I also plan on having her spend the night Friday nights, my husband and I can have a date night, and she can spend time with her treasured grandchildren.
You have to make the decision to live YOUR life, not live your mother’s life. It is hard at first, but you’ll see, it will be the best thing for all of you.
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