My dad died under Hospice care about 48 hours ago. I never thought I would need counseling but they have offered it and I might try it. However, my grief goes beyond the recent loss of my dad - it really is due to the overall parent decline I have experienced over the past decade which includes alcoholism, fighting/verbal abuse of my dad by my mom, and my dad's eventual decline into dementia. I don't want to schedule the counseling if my situation is too tangled-up for Hospice (i.e. it's about a lot more than the fact that dad died). I'm afraid I will come across as much more "messed up" than the average kid :(
I hope that makes sense to you. What I'm trying to say is that if they refer you out, its NOT a reflection on YOUR pathology, rather on that of the situation, which is not of your making.
Go for it! ((((((HUGS)))))))))
I appreciate all of the support I receive on this forum. Jeez, I have been on Agingcare since 2014 now, and it's really helped me a lot. I do want to thank you all!!!!
I'm so sorry for your loss, and the emotional disruption you're going through. I think Hospice is a good starting point for counseling. There's so much anxiety and grief that it makes me feel crazy, or that I'm actually going to go crazy. My mom was ver narcissistic and abusive, and my dad was the kindest man ever., and my brother is a pedophile, and tried to rape me when I was a young teen. So, all of this is addressed in couseling.
I'm almost positive that you're no more messed up than the rest of us, but you feel like that, and I do understand. I feel like no one understands why I'm so forgetful now and fear that I'm showing signs of AD. I can't talk to anyone the way I talk to my counselor. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, like I can't relax, and I'm hyper vigilant about everything. I startle easily, and can't even follow a recipe correctly. Grief affects every aspect of our lives, in small daily things, and big decision making. I didn't think I was ever going to get through a day without breaking down and sobbing a lot.
Be kind to yourself as much as possible.
In the Hospice organization I work for, our Bereavement folks are licensed social workers with significant specialized training specifically in griefwork. They meet with family members in the family group and/or one-to-one, they offer practical support as well as counseling, they offer grief groups where a small number of people can express their feelings and process their experiences. Some groups are narrowly limited: only people who have lost parents, or only people who have lost spouses, only people who have lost someone in the past 4-8 months, etc. So that someone in the group is further along than you in one area and further behind you in another, but everyone's experience is relevant to one another.
I heartily agree that you won't be the 'most messed-up kid' they've talked with. Their work can be enormously beneficial. At the very, very least they can help you move forward to find the right next counselor if you need more than they can provide -- and you wouldn't be the first 'kid' who has a lot of complicated feelings after a decade of a parent's decline.
I agree, check out grief counseling. If what you need isn't what they offer they can refer you to someone else. Hospice also may offer "complicated grief" counseling which is just what you may need.
Definitely check it out.
I would try their counseling and hopefully it is a good fit, if not ask them for referrals to other grief counseling groups.
May God grant you grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.
In CNY we have 13 months of free grief counseling, then potential continuation for a small fee/donation. It's well worth the time & effort.
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