I took care of both my parents for 5yrs. I lost them both within a year of each other, with dad being gone less than a year. I moved across the country and ended up eventually having to give up my job to do this.
I am not bragging here but I was left a decent enough inheritance that I don't need to work as long as I am not foolish in the near future. I recently relocated back to where I was living before.
What I am find annoying is there are a couple of people (one in particular) who seems overly concerned about me not working. Every couple of weeks this friend(who lives in another state) will ask "how is the job search going?". Well I haven't even really started looking, and I am getting resentful of this question coming up.
I don't know if it is jealousy, or they're trying to find out what I was left, or it is concern.
I guess what ticks me off is was WORKING, I took care of both my parents for 5yrs, my father was 24/7 the last several months of his life. What do these people think I was doing? Sitting around eating candy and watching TV?
Anyway, if anyone has any thoughts or a response that will nip this in the bud I would appreciate it. I wouldn't keep asking someone "so have you found a job yet?" when the person hasn't indicated to you that they're looking.
And if someone is jealous of someone who put their life on hold for 5 yrs and now is dealing with both grief and trying to figure out what is next, but is also in a financial position where they don't have to just take a job, well I would be happy for that person, not resentful or badger them with questions.
Thanks.
Why not the direct approach?
"Well, thanks for asking. But that's a sensitive subject with me, and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't ask me that again. I don't want to discuss it."
After all, it IS a sensitive subject with you, you DON'T want people to ask you that again, and you DON'T want to discuss it. Seems to me that's the best answer: the truth.
Hugs and hope your finding a bit of peace now!
If they are not good enough friends to share this with, maybe the best approach is just to drop them. Who needs out-of-state acquaintances giving out bad vibes?
I'm not looking right now; I've decided to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro first so I'll be in training for another year.
(substitute any high energy, high intense activity for mountain climbing... i.e., decided to enter the Tour de France, etc.)
I've decided to study at a Buddhist monastery for awhile.
I've decided to swim the English Channel first.
I'm working on a novel that I hope will be sold for movie rights and be the new blockbuster.
I've decided to go to medical school to be a geriatrician.
Simple, right? Said in the proper icy tone, if puts busybodies in their place. If the questioner persists in saying, "I'm worried about you," or "I was just wondering," a brief, "I'm doing fine, thanks" followed by a change of topic should do the trick.
Oh, as luck would have it someone asked today "how is the job hunting going?", oddly enough someone I do volunteer work with. So I used Debralee's wise words, I said "well for the last 5yrs I had a 24/7 job, no vacations, no time off, no help"...shut them right up!!!!! I guess that is what it is going to take.
I wasn't rude, but I had a tone in my voice....LOL. Hey, it worked, and I will use it again with the next nosy person.
Caregiving changes us and I found that my true friends are with me now thru my Mom's journey with dementia..
Move on with so called friendship..
(a) Are you dating anyone? Are you planning on getting married, dear? (Remember all those dimunitive "dear" comments from noisy old women?)
(b) Why would you be worried about going to college when you'll just be getting married?
(c) Have you started a family yet?
Although no one would ask me those questions now given that I'm approach my 7th decade, I wish at the time women had the options they had today.
I'd tell them:
"No, I'm planning to run for president first."
"No, I don't plan to even consider anything that doesn't support my career."
"No, I plan to (a) cure cancer (b) research [name any disease]"
"I'm more interested in being a combat aviator."
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