Mom (85) with memory loss. She is safe in senior living where they do the cooking, cleaning etc. She no longer drives. Things seem good where she is and she loves it there. Only the one brother takes all her social security checks from her checking and now is talking her into only 25 thousand from her investments. I have tried to talk to the bank since I am the POA and also listed as her agent on the acct. No luck! They say she is the client and it's her money to give as she wants. She lives in CA and I live in HI. All the other siblings have moved from CA too. Only the one who lives there in town takes her directly to the bank and gets withdrawals. She can't even remember doing it. Frustrating!
Your brother and SIL may very well be scamming your mother, but she is also living in their house, if your brother is spending $800 a month on groceries for the family and it is coming out of your mom's account, well $800 would be the very least she would be paying for a senior apt. in CT.
I'm sorry if you're wheelchair bound, but again that doesn't prevent people from getting on planes.
I hope this situation works out for you, I just don't see how it can be done long distance.
People who say they live "too far away & can't get to where their parents are", but continuously say that another sibling is stealing or "taking advantage" of their parent's money is ridiculous. If it is that important, where there's a will there's a way.
I don't know where in NY you live, but I know that there are no less than 100 flights to various Florida airports from the 3 major New York airports. A flight to Florida is about 3 hours. And, I've seen countless people in wheelchairs, walking with canes & walkers and who have much difficulty moving getting on & off the planes in FLA & NY. Unless you're bed bound, you can get on a plane.
Handling your parent's finances when that parent is living with another sibling simple CAN NOT be done from a distance or from another state. As I said----if it is that important to you, you have to leave your own comfort zone & get to where your mother is to resolve the problem. What I think is that many people don't want to confront the sibling that they are complaining about----they want to do it from a distance so they don't have to face them. A situation that involves finances cannot be resolved that way.
You can also contact the below agency for senior information/services:
California Department of Aging
1300 National Drive, Suite 200
Sacramento, CA 95834-1992
Phone: (916) 419-7500
Fax: (916) 928-2267
You're right, any city in FL as 3 or 4 non stops into the 3 NY area airports daily.
I am also suspect in these cases if this isn't "BASH THE CAREGIVER", many times the do nothing sibling attacks the caregiver and accuses them of stealing from the elderly parent. Notice in the case of Pita the only concern is money, not really mom.
To justify in their minds their lack of involvement in the care of an elderly parent they make the caregiver the "bad guy". Who knows for sure if the brother and SIL are taking advantage, maybe they are, but they're also having the mother live in their home.
Pita says on her profile she is taking care of her mother. No you aren't, the brother is, you're in FL, mother is in NY. There is no such thing as long distance caregiving.
But utter nonsense about not be able to get on a plane.
In regards to your food comment, the mother his living with the brother and his family, should she not contribute? If she was in an AL or NH that would be easily $5,000 a month(most likely more). Maybe they feel her contribution is paying for their monthly food for the family in lieu of rent. That is not unreasonable.
Now if they're buying new cars on her dime, that is not right.
Who knows if there is monetary abuse going on, that's why you get on a plane and you go. This same poster has been beating this drum for months now, take some action.
As TooYoungForThis said unless you're completely bedridden disabled people travel.
Again, some issues need to be dealt with in person.