Anyone have any tips getting along with 3 generations in the house? My husband is always saying its US that has to change any time there's a conflict.. MIL is 81 and doesn't let anyone watch anything but the news all day and then gets mad when my kids don't hang out in the living room with her. They prefer their rooms with their own TV, computers and video games.. She thinks they sleep too late (my son works til midnight) and feels they should do more chores. Both have jobs with 30-40 hours a week but are not financially ready to move out . How do we all get along better? I am tired of fighting with my husband about this. help!
You have invaded her space. Poster above sure has the right idea about your kids. They could be an absolute joy to your MIL...if they each spent just 30 minutes a day with her. As you describe their schedules, working a lot, school, retreating to their rooms...they aren't family, they're boarders.
I don't understand why you are fighting with your husband about this, though. Why is that?
If I was college aged and asked to get along with my folks AND grandma, I would find somewhere else to live.
Of course, a lot depends on who is paying for what. If grandma is paying for the cable bill, I guess she can have the tv on whatever channel she likes.
I feel like all of this wasn't worked out, before you moved in. Can you all move back, where you were before?
When we moved my mother (94 & mid to late stage dementia) in with us, I thought we would be like the Waltons .... one big happy family. HA!
We all had our own spaces, with lots of common areas as well. Stupid big house. Mom had her own bedroom, bathroom, and sitting room on the 1st floor, which was close to the common areas (kitchen, family room). My sons were all working full time & preparing to leave the nest. One (25) lived in our basement with his new bride so they could save like mad for a house of their own. Another (22) and his GF had a large room on the 2nd floor of the house. Third (21) shared a bathroom with them and had his own bedroom/privacy. Hubby and I rounded it out & we had our own bathroom.
They all paid rent, did chores, did their own laundry, paid their own bills, and sometimes we would eat together or watch a movie or have a few beers or just talk. Even when friends of sons came over, Mom was welcome to be right in there & did so at times. Those were the Walton times.
However..........we just couldn't do it. We lasted about 3 months. Mom wasn't really happy, wanting someone -- anyone -- with her at all times. Nope, wasn't gonna happen. We are all adults with lives and interests of our own. Which made that sweet old lady pout and be crabby. Plus, she was up and down all night, which meant no one else got much sleep.
We put her in assisted living about 4 months ago, and we are still trying to recover from the upheaval she caused in our lives. Life goes on and changes constantly. Sounds like your MIL is unhappy and angry at the life she has now and wants her old carefree life back. Yeah, we all do, too.
Please, put your family 1st and figure out something where you live separate from MIL.
You and the hubs need time away, maybe a weekend a month. The kiddos are getting ready to leave the nest and that brings a bit of pre-separation before final flight. Your family is in a totally different season than MIL and I am sure it is all more than she envisioned. Start planning now so you don't do this to your children. Good luck!
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