I am starting to fall apart from the pressure of taking care of my mother. My mom won't move around at all except to go to the bathroom. I need to bring her food and water. I am completely intimidated by her and she was so angry when I brought up a nursing home. It is so hard taking care of everything but I know I would feel such guilt if I forced her to go to a nursing home. I have one brother but he won't do anything to help. I have retired but took a part-time job just to keep my sanity.
I've had several months since she passed to go over things in my mind and I've come to the conclusion that my mother was mentally ill life long. I cared for her purely out of duty and now I can get on with my life. One door closes, another door opens.
It sounds like you have no choice but to tell Mom you can't take care of her any more and then take her to visit a few AL facilities and let her pick one (or you will pick it for her) Then move her. Your marriage and health comes first. Dealing with the guilt is hard and dumping guilt is how they maintain some level of control over us. Just remember that when you get do her moved, she will adjust and will make friends (mine did). Be prepared she will bitterly complain and make you think she is miserable, but she will enjoy herself and have a life of her own when you are not there.
My mother played the merry-go-round with us in IL for years. She acted like she was absolutely suffering, then one time she gave herself away. (I had taken her to lunch, we got to the AL, she saw a friend and threw a "goodbye" to me over her shoulder and left me standing there while she bustled off.
We moved her to IL when she was 92! Good luck. You deserve a happy retirement.