My mother has dementia & currently lives alone & has no interest in moving into an assisted living/memory care facility. She now requires more help than I can give her & I found a great facility but she has stated "you might as well write my obituary if you move me to one of those places".
So, I suggest to you mthumser2000 , find a place that gives thorough senior assessments and have your mother put through the examinations. I fibbed to Mom the first time and told her I was taking her for a physical. Well, it was a physical, with labs, but also many memory tests and cognitive tests. Good luck!
I transported her myself to the locked facility, not telling her where we were going because it was upset her. The staff knew we were coming and we're prepared. When we drove up, my aunt said what's this. I told her I needed to drop by to see your friend. She said she'd wait in the car. I told her she couldn't because it was a dangerous neighborhood. She came in with me and the rest is history. She was angry for about a week, made some new friends, started having fun (she have been isolated like a hermit in her own home) and after about 2 months I was able to take her out to the park, lunches or dinner and a movie and return her back "home", what she always look forward to because they saved her dessert for her when I took her out. She was near death when I intervened and lived 6-1/2 yrs longer in health and safety until she suffered some strokes. It's a difficult decision to be responsible for taking away someone's freedom of choice, but when someone is no longer capable of making rational decisions, it has to be done. I had 6-1/2 extra years with her that wouldn't have happened without the intervention.
If your mom has the attitude that she'll die if she goes to one of those places, she just may do that. Many seniors, when placed in NHs, assisted living, etc just give up and die. However, if she discovers that it's a really nice place, with social interaction, activities, lots of nice people to care for her, she might change her mind. Just a few thoughts.
What stage of dementia is she in? It sounds like she's still very verbal and can express herself. Can she care for herself totally, or does she need help with cooking, dressing, etc?
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