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It has been only four days. Is there some relative or friend that would stay with her at her home for awhile? Maybe she would like a roommate? Just think of all the things at her home that she has to go through. That is too much for her to do alone. Maybe you would take a week off, go back to her home with her to help with those things.
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Its s a challenge to add yet another personality to this overload you already have.
Jessie and Garden have good suggestions. Also, I experienced this with my son. When my husband died I went to stay with him - but I realized after a few days it was not a welcome situation with his wife - I left, unfortunately I had no where to go. After a bit I took an apartment but my feelings are still tender about not being welcomed and doing my grieving with out the comfort ( and you do give her great comfort ) of my family. Try to stick it out with creating a few rules. Maybe mom could find a job or perhaps a volunteer spot - but four days - is barely enough time to get her balance back. You are a great daughter for even suggesting she stay on - perhaps a redo of her old home then she could be there talking to the workers?
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Four days? Can I be honest? This may be a time that would be good for your personal growth. If you are ready to put your mother out after such a great loss in only four days, maybe you are not seeing what is really important. Maybe your mother needs help returning to that empty house that holds so many memories. Maybe she needs to consider an apartment in a retirement village where she can be around friends her own age. Your mother is likely feeling lost. If it has only been four days, maybe you should take a look inside yourself to see what the problem might be. If you have always had a good relationship, four days is strange. I used to have friends that would visit for much longer than that before their welcome would wear out.
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Babalou's suggestion is good - set times for talking, and others for working. Gradually you can begin to cut those times down, especially while integrating other members of the family into the talks.
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To avoid hurting her feelings ( and that is a very legitimate concern), put the responsibility on yourself - say that you're the one who has always needed space, perhaps it's a shortcoming, but you function better when you have that space.

So what you're trying to do is accommodate YOUR shortcomings so you can help her more and make her life easier. Then she can view the situation as your attempting to adapt rather than push her away.

In the meantime, mobilize those children who are old enough to understand in helping to find ways to interact with her. There's no reason why they can't be part of the solution - go for walks with her, take her shopping, help with the meals to deflect attention from you...

It's important to get the kids involved now. You can even spur some self reflection by asking them to think of what their strong points are, and how they can use them to help Grandmother.

Try to look at the opposite side - unless she has somewhere else to live, try to think of ways that she can benefit from the children and they can benefit from her.
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Only 65? My goodness, is she retired? She must be bored out of her mind, being so young with no employment or volunteer opportunities.

I see dad died 4 days ago. 4 days is a blink. ( not to you, I'm sure) but she is still decompressing from caregiving, from grief and the like. Give it another week. But set boundaries for yourself. "Mom, i can't talk right now, need to decompress from work. How about after dinner?"
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I haven't discussed it with her. I'm so scared to hurt her by being honest about how I feel. I'm going to have to find a way to say something that won't break her heart. By the way, on a side note...my mom is only 65 and she has no health concerns.
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Have you discussed this with her? Does she understand that you need a lot of space and private time?

Explain it to her politely after figuring out ways she can spend her time productively, whether it's in activities she's always enjoyed, at a senior center, at a library helping out or attending book club meetings or other activities.

Help her find something she enjoys doing. She's understandably lonely and wants the company of her daughter. But the first thing you need to do is open the lines of communication.
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